Lessons on the path

I took some much-needed time off from writing after my uncle’s funeral to reset.

Like every other person, life is so busy sometimes that it feels like I am out of control and running to try to catch up to whatever I’m behind on.

I felt it was reflecting in what I was writing and there was a lot of negative connotation in my recent columns.

I’ve come to realize how much I still have to learn. And that feeling of “aaahhh, I have so much to do,” never quite goes away.

2017 has been my least favourite year in a long time. It’s sucked. I’m a strong proponent of the Law of Attraction — what you put out there is what you get back.

If you’re negative, you’ll attract negative people and experiences. For that reason, I’m a mostly positive, sunshine-y person. Seriously! Ask my kids.

Although it’s only been a few weeks, it gave me time to refocus. I’m going back to my New Year’s resolutions and re-evaluating the whats and whys of it.

One thing I’ve been reminded of over and over the past few years is, when you think you’ve                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     cleared the hardest hurdle yet with your kids, they’ll point and laugh at you as they present the next one.

This has been amplified for me this year. One day I’m going to share those moments with you, but I’m still in recovery mode and can’t quite joke about them yet.

One of my 2017 resolutions was to join Toastmasters. So I did. That was the tipping point for me when one day after just a few meetings, I realized I needed a break.

My biggest fear happened when I was asked to stand up and share a story about a topic.

I didn’t have a story for that particular topic, and coupled with my fear of being put on the spot in front of a bunch of people, I totally crumbled, mumbled something about being tired and sat back down, swallowing tears of embarrassment and anger for not being the best, new Toastmaster in the history of the organization.

Nobody else put that expectation on me, I did. Even though I hate it when I fall short of others’ expectations for myself, I hate it more when I fall short of my own. So I quit going, albeit temporarily.

I haven’t gone back yet, but I suppose I will.

Wanna hear something even more ironic?  Earlier this year, I completed my certification for motivational speaking. Go figure.

The other hard pill to swallow  was wrestling with the knowledge that I’m going to have to sell my home. Yes, the home I just built, bought and moved into a year ago.

It just suddenly became really expensive to live here. I’ve had increases in everything from strata fees to mortgage payments to life in general, with a few mishaps along the way.

I was quite embarrassed by this one for a while. In my head, I should be further ahead at 43, yet feel like I’m falling behind. I can’t be the only one who feels like this, right?

Although far from thrilled about having to move so soon from the house I thought I’d be in for a long time, I love the idea of not having to worry about cash flow again, so in the end, this will be OK.

After all, there is a reason for everything.

To sum up, I just wanted to reconnect again with anyone who reads this column by just laying it all out there. I’m working on optimism again and coming up with stuff people want to read about.

Stay tuned; the kids are working on the next crisis for me to write about and as always …

Thanks for reading.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.