Marriage connection

One reason I love the work I do is the opportunity it gives me to travel and to connect with people from all over the world.

I believe that consciously making time to connect is one of the most important things you can do if you want to be happier and more successful.                             

Let me start by explaining what I mean by connection.

Connection is more than just social interaction. It is social interaction with an injection of positive emotion. One person initiates the experience, but the other person has to respond in order for a connection to occur.

I’m sure most of you can think of a time when you spoke to someone and felt that you were doing more than just exchanging words? You may have shared a moment of laughter, a comment you both felt deeply about, or perhaps you were shown an act of kindness and made eye contact as you said thank you.

Connection does not have to be romantic. In fact, you are likely to have more non-romantic connections during your lifetime. It happens between family members, friends and strangers and can be as fleeting as a smile, or as lasting as a life-long friendship.

Relationships usually start with a high level of connection, but if you aren’t careful, this may not be sustained. Connection within a romantic relationship is one of the things that keeps your bond healthy and vibrant.

You may know that you should connect with your significant other, but do you go out of your way to make sure it happens?

When couples have been together for many years, taking time to connect can slip from their to-do list. It is easy to get caught up in parenting, jobs, fixing up the house, and countless other seemingly more pressing duties.

Instead of tending your relationship, you may assume after all your years together, your bond is forged in steel and can look after itself.

Wrong! Remember, connection has to do with the quality of your interactions not their length, or frequency.

Couples who feel strongly connected talk regularly about what is happening in their lives, and about their hopes and dreams. They laugh together and get a happy buzz when they spend time in each other’s company.

Not every interaction you have with your partner will be a time of connection, especially if you or your partner have communication or sharing challenges. If you are with someone who wants to know all about your day and loves to spend time in meaningful conversation, you may connect verbally, many times a day.

If your other half is less inclined to chitchat, or show interest in details or dreams, these moments may be less frequent.

Connection can also be attained from non-verbal actions like eye contact, facial expressions, and touch. One person initiates an action and waits to see if their partner responds. These non-verbal cues need to be acknowledged for them to create a positive feeling of togetherness.

It takes two to connect just as it much as it does to tango. Don’t be defeated if your significant other doesn’t return your attempt to connect; draw their attention to it in a gentle way.

If you’ve taken their hand and they don’t seem to have noticed, shake it a little until you get their attention and then look them in the eye and smile.

Find reasons to hug or kiss your partner, or laugh together. Diligently watch for anything they do to initiate a connection, and make sure you respond in some way. It is amazing how close a little squeeze of the hand can make you feel.

If you follow my column, you know how strongly I believe that awareness is the first step to every conscious change you will ever make in your life. I would love to think that after reading this you take a moment to evaluate how much time you spend connecting with your significant other.

This is not a test. It doesn’t matter what your answer is.

If you believe you connect regularly, pat yourself on the back and keep up the good work. If you can’t remember the last time you connected, or believe it could be better, think of this as your starting point.

Why does it matter whether you eat your supper in silence, or you make eye contact, smile, and ask about your partner’s day? Creating a connection, regardless of how brief, will dramatically increase your feelings of well-being.

It is a simple, inexpensive mental health and marriage strengthening exercise that is far too valuable to ignore.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.