"Santa's dead??"

Dearest Santa,

I know you are reading this letter at your busiest time, and for that I do apologize. Having paid my dues in Christmas retail, I always hated the shoppers who ran into the store at closing time, but I do need to talk to you about this Christmas, and my four children.

Our youngest is only 19 months, so he is blissfully unaware of your magic, and also unaware of the unrest and suspicions swirling around our house. 

I am not sure if your Scout elves, Gabriel and Elizabeth, who, of course, witnessed the entire interrogation, were able to fill you in on my Christmas Dilemma, but here’s the skinny (sorry Santa – bad pun).

The three older kids surrounded me last week and demanded to know if I was Santa. Isn’t that hilarious?

“You always want us to tell the truth Dad, so tell us, are you Santa?”  

The question, straight from left field, hung in the air like a drunk uncle’s B.O. at a crowded family gathering.  

Inside, I was shocked, surprised, and a little sad at the question (I thought we had more time, another year at least). 

Overtly, I winced, sighed, and stammered. I thought about playing the “Santa comes to those who believe” card, or the more effective “Santa-Soup-Nazi-card” – “No Believe in Santa? No Santa for you!” 

Instead, I turned the tables and asked why they might think I was Santa.  

Their flimsy arguments revolved around three key points –

Logistics, China, and spatial load constraints

How could Santa get to EVERY house in the world, all in one night?
Why were you outsourcing your North Pole toy manufacturing factories to China? (where they discovered our Elf on the Shelf was made).

How could your ONE sleigh hold all of those toys for the four billion children of the world?   

I marvelled at their wit, logic, and common sense, but then I realized the even bigger gift: My egocentric children were finally realizing that there are others in their world? How exciting. It’s a Christmas miracle! 

Santa, I love you, and I love the magic of Christmas. It is hardest for my oldest boy, who, in the same week as this Santa inquiry, also learned at school about periods, menstruation, and tampons (he then polled every women in his life on whether they were wearing a pad at that moment).   

Straddling these two worlds of Santa and impending puberty is tough, so how can we keep the innocence and magic alive as long as possible? I am sure you have encountered this before in your 1600+ years, so I am open to your suggestions, and look forward to your crafty ideas.   

Thanks for listening, and enjoy Mexico in January. Don’t forget the 50+ SPF sunscreen.

Lots of love, big guy,



PS Feel free to keep my wife on the naughty list.  

Until next time, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a safe and happy holiday with family!

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About the Author

Jeff Hay is a Kelowna-based writer, motivational speaker, parenting coach, and father of four.

Along with writing for Castanet, Jeff also writes for the Huffington Post, the Good Men Project, and the National Fatherhood Initiative in the United States. 

When he is not playing his favourite role of 'DAD', Jeff speaks throughout Canada as a popular parenting educator, working on his website – www.thedadvibe.com, and writing his parenting book for dads, “Wait Till Your Father Gets Home!

Jeff dedicates his life to improving the well-being of children by increasing the proportion of children growing up with involved, responsible, and committed fathers.

E-mail Jeff your thoughts or questions anytime at [email protected]


The views expressed are strictly those of the author and not necessarily those of Castanet. Castanet does not warrant the contents.

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