On Your Father's Side  

Win Mom's Day in 3 steps

Mother’s Day needs a new name.

After surveying mom friends on Facebook, it turns out Mother’s Day is really:

“Dad, you get to spend the day with your kids, and don’t dare call home asking for help or you’ll ruin the entire thing. I’ll be upstairs if you need me, and you won’t need me today. Capiche?”

Admittedly, that’s a lot harder to fit inside a greeting card, and you’d need roughly 3 ½ ice-cream cakes to write that in icing.

But I’m certain it’s the more accurate definition of Sunday’s festivities.

My high-school classmate, Christina, who is celebrating the release of her first children’s book, wants to share a breakfast of pancakes and berries with her children.

But she’d also enjoy “a good six hours to myself while the husband takes the kids and tires them out.”

Six? Six.

My friend, Heather, is mom to two active pre-teen boys. They play competitive soccer, and the whole family has trained in martial arts together.

Not to mention her husband, Aaron, is an accomplished curler who competes in national tournaments.

She’s the backbone of a family of four that also owns its own chiropractic clinic in Thunder Bay, Ont.

Needless to say, she has similar views on Mother’s Day.

She needs “some quiet, alone time when I don’t hear ‘mom ... mawm ... MOM!’"

I’m with her on that. My kids frequently walk past me as they shout for their mother.

Of course, it’s easy to miss me when I’m hiding under a blanket under the kitchen table, but I digress.

“I always feel so selfish when I say that, but it’s what I need,” Heather said.

It seems our friend, Jana, agrees: “Yesssss! Quiet time. Time to drink my coffee, hot.”

I double-checked that, and she did use five S’s in “yesssss.”

Jana has four beautiful, hockey-playing children, which seems like entirely too many for me.

But that’s why I think she deserves her next request: “Maybe daddy could take the kids out for the morning ... just a couple of hours.” 

If daddy wakes up at 9:30, would that still qualify?

Dads, note No. 1: take the kids to buy groceries.

Unfortunately, I had to delete Heather’s Facebook comments about ensuring everyone gets to enjoy Mother’s Day together.

“Maybe an extra day: one to be celebrated for all we do as moms, and then one to get a day off from being one. I do love my boys, but…”

You get one day, Heather. One!

That would ruffle the feathers of my friend, Alya, who is pushing the “every day is Mother’s Day” line of thinking.

I appreciate her saying she doesn’t need expensive gifts, though.

My kids spend countless minutes gluing tissue flowers to construction paper, and we can all agree that’s better than a $89 mani-pedi package any day.

Right? Ladies...?

My friend, Sandy, doesn’t need expensive gifts or brunch out, either.

I am a bit worried, however. She’s asking for a casual breakfast served on their deck followed by lounging “not necessarily by myself, but with the opportunity to ignore the bantering.”

Sandy, your girls are seven and nine years old; you can’t ignore the “banter!”

Her next, more specific request makes more sense to me: “a family bike ride and dinner with the ‘moms’ that are in my family followed by not making lunches, etc., for Monday.”

My high school friend, Heidi, summed it up for all dads everywhere: “Time not mothering.”

Dads, note No. 2: make the kids’ lunches.

My family members are responsible for my third suggestion.

Both my Aunty Fran and my cousin, Nicole, say they need healing hands.

Franny left a simple message: “massage.”

That’s probably because she’s less than four months away from marrying off her oldest daughter, and had no time to elaborate.

My cousin, Nic, wants “breakfast in bed — made by my husband and kids. With a cute card, handmade. Oh, and a foot rub.”

Now I know why she chose such unique baby names: Rightabella and Leftona.

Dads, note No. 3: handmade is better.

However, if you’re panicked, or your wife really does appreciate you planning ahead by buying something special, the New York Times has a Mother’s Day gift guide.

I’ve browsed it for you, and hand-selected the perfect gift: Avion Tequila.

Seriously. It’s in there.

It’s only $150 US, can be shipped overnight, and is aged 43 months (not 42 or 44).

Better than that, The Times says, “its tall crystal bottle is a statement in itself.”

Even better, then. It’s two gifts in one.

Throw some flowers in that crystal bottle and call it a day.

After flying solo serving breakfast, rubbing feet, and making lunches for the next day, you will likely need $150 worth of tequila.


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About the Author

David Trifunov is a proud father, humble author and recovering journalist.

Trifunov and his wife, Erin, are raising three little girls in Kelowna and enjoying every second of the trials, triumphs and tribulations.

As a humble author, he has written three middle-grade books for publisher Formac-Lorimer.

To pay the bills so he can raise those kids and write those books, Trifunov is a journalist with 20 years of experience as a reporter and editor.

His parenting column will appear regularly. davidtrifunov.ca

The views expressed are strictly those of the author and not necessarily those of Castanet. Castanet does not warrant the contents.

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