Ultimate online IQ test

It saddens me to say this, but there are suspicious people in the world who doubt the value and solid empirical scientific evidence behind online IQ tests.

I, err, I mean the suspicious people, dismiss these tests as nothing more than a sleazy tactic to go viral on facebook by offering soaring IQ levels to people who struggle with telling left from right.  

In fairness the tests on facebook do seem a bit too easy, so I hired a Veritable Whack of Geniuses to create a harder test. By taking this test, you are guaranteed to have an IQ. 

Tough Mudder Smarty-Pants: The ultimate online IQ test

Instructions: Sit up, face the computer screen, place both feet on the floor, sit on your hands, put down the beer, and stop rolling your eyes. You must fully concentrate on your response to each question. Be sure to speak clearly. Using advanced Interactivated Intuitional Thinkware© technology, the test software will intuit and analyze your answers. 

Vancouver is in 

  1. Greater Vancouver
  2. Saskatchewan
  3. Toronto
  4. Fruit Loops

The United States is

  1. large
  2. a province 
  3. in Asia
  4. Fruit Loops

2 + 2 =

  1. 4
  2. four
  3. fore
  4. for

E = mc2

  1. huh?
  2. no, I don’t think so, thanks anyway
  3. formula for doge
  4. is it raining today?

Hitler wanted 

  1. to have a functioning brain
  2. a fluffy white kitten
  3. pizza, no anchovies please
  4. world peace

The Beatles were

  1. 4 Americans
  2. 4 bugs, no Raid
  3. 4-tunate
  4. 4 shur

Donald Trump is

  1. a nut job
  2. the messiah, with bad hair
  3. your illegitimate brother
  4. Fruit Loops

Justin Trudeau

  1. is the president of Canada
  2. is the prime minster of North Korea, with good hair
  3. is your illegitimate brother
  4. can eat crackers in your bed

Did you go 

  1. there
  2. their
  3. they’re
  4. Fruit Loops

You should use all-caps 

  1. before someone on the Internet disagrees with you
  2. while someone on the Internet disagrees with you
  3. after someone on the Internet disagrees with you
  4. in an email to the moderator for removing your all-caps post

If you fell down, you would 

  1. get up fast if the beer was out of reach
  2. pretend to look around to see what tripped you
  3. go viral because everybody on the street put it on youtube
  4. die

To find out your IQ, click here.

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About the Author

This bio was written by Jo Slade. As you can see she has written about herself in the third person. What normal person would do that? They just wouldn't. Who knows how many other persons might be involved in this thing, a second person? Another third? I worry about it. I - she - we - can't even keep it straight, this paragraph is a damn mess, there are persons all over the place. Round 'em up and shoot 'em. That's what I'd do, and by golly I think that's what Jo Slade would do as well.

Biographic nutshell: Jo has been messing around with words for a long time. Sometimes she'll just say words instead of writing them, it saves on paper.

The columns that appear here are of a highly serious and scholarly nature, therefore it is advised that you keep a dictionary and ponderous thoughts nearby.

If, after reading so many thought-provoking words, you find yourself tossing and turning at night, burning with the need to email me, just do it. I answer to [email protected]

The views expressed are strictly those of the author and not necessarily those of Castanet. Castanet does not warrant the contents.

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