Seems legit

I’ve been getting a lot of great email these days. It’s as though I’ve signed up to some awesome all-inclusive mail delivery service that has a sole purpose of keeping me happy and well-informed. Don’t recall signing up for such a thing, but clearly they’ve found me. Thank you all-inclusive mail delivery service for always thinking of me.

The emails are really helpful. For example, I didn’t even realize that my PC has a vicious virus that almost certainly will require me to provide credit card information, serial numbers, passwords, first-born child. Heck, I didn’t even know I had a PC. It was an Apple when I got it, but apparently it is now a PC, and it has a virus. Just lucky for me that the Microsoft people became aware of it, and have a fix.

Elsewhere in email, my bank is asking me to verify my account. They are very insistent about it, which makes sense, they are simply worried because I am seriously overdrawn. It requires my immediate attention in order to prevent the account from being shut down. What a worry for me, if they shut down my bank account I’ll be in a fix, alright.

I didn’t even know I had an account at that bank.

Or that bank.

Or that one.

Pretty sure my friends from Nigeria can help with the overdraft, though.

Hold on, more mail. Oh, okay, Visa just needs me to click their link for confirmation, otherwise my account will be suspended. They don’t want to have to suspend me, they are actually really upset to even consider such a thing, but their hands are tied after becoming aware of suspicious activity on the account, and clicking the link is their only way to confirm that the account has not been compromised. I’d better do it, because account suspension would suck after I’ve just clicked on a link in another email from them to get their premium card. 

And whoa, look at that, my online ad for a slightly damaged rubber chicken (head chopped off) for sale at $1.27 just got a response from someone who wants to pay me $50,000, and they even said to keep the head (which is in use), because they only need the body. At last, someone who appreciates the true value of a headless rubber chicken.

Ha, an email from Apple . . . oh ho ho ho, wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute. This is such a scam. 

I mean, come on now, I wasn’t born yesterday. I’d never rent Beetlejuice. 

Hmm, it might be legit after all, there’s a link if the purchase isn’t one I authorized. Maybe they just made an honest mistake. It happens. 

Aha, another email from my Nigerian friends. I have a lot of Nigerian friends, I think we all do. I’d go so far as to say that if you ever feel lonely, just know that someone in Nigeria is thinking of you. Guaranteed. And they want to give you money.

Hold on, one more email. Aha, this one is from a charity, asking for money to help the Syrian refugees. Well, of course, it is the right thing to do, and I think I have a good solution. I’ll just send them to my rich Nigerian friends.

 

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.