Needlepoint Class - Chuck Poulsen  

A horror story

I have found something harder to quit than smoking: the Internet.

We have a surge protector on the computer in Kelowna. I did not put a surge protector on the laptop in Mexico.

Poof went the laptop and modem.

This lack of foresight has, courtesy of Mrs. Poulsen, earned me nickname of El Stu-pido.

I am now working from an Internet café in a small town nearby. There are young Mexican boys playing crash-bang computer games - 90 decibels in the right ear, a relatively soothing 60 decibels in the left ear.

This is tolerable compared to the real horror of it all: I am working on dial-up.

You may remember dial-up, a more modern version of the rack and thumbscrews.

I think I can speak for most in saying that not only can’t we live anymore without the Internet, we want it to be super fast.

I will never say a bad word about Shaw again. Okay, that’s not exactly a law, more like a guideline.

Anyway, the show must go on for my reader (How are you, Mom?).

Some random thoughts:

  • This announcement is tardy (see above) but of such importance it must still be made. It is not yet the end of February and we already have three winners of The Michelle.

    Your servant (me, El stu-pido) created The Michelle award a year ago. It’s named after Kelowna Coun. Michelle Rule. The Michelle is not for councilors who spend our tax dollars in huge gobs, such as wealthy land baron Robert Hobson.

    The Michelle is emblematic of councillors who nickel and dime us to death with their petty, pet projects.

    I am speaking, of course, of the proposed strawberry garden outside city hall, which was to be tilled and harvested by councilors and civic employees. Michelle, who didn’t show for the vote, suggested it. The notion was defeated with only two of Michele’s loony lefties in support, councilors Reid and Craig.

    Congratulations to the winners of The Michelle and good luck in piddling away our money over the coming year. What would a columnist do without you?

  • The RCMP has had its image tarnished. Let me tell you about a small-town Mexican police force not worthy of polishing a Mountie’s boots.

    A local gringo had his motorcycle stolen. The police came to him, not the other way around. The police told him he could have his motorcycle back for the equivalent of $200 Cdn. He paid and the motorcycle was returned. The police did not charge the thief. One of their own?

    The cops here are on an eight-hour workday siesta. When they aren’t spending their time being corrupt, they while it away by being useless and inept.

    An older German fellow comes here every winter. He was at a party and, the washrooms being busy, walked down to the ocean to discreetly relieve himself. A cop who was at the party witnessed this heinous criminal act and extorted $20 from the German to avoid jail time.

    Anyone want to trade the RCMP for the Mexican police?

  • True story about the drug cartels, i.e. gangs.

    A few weeks ago, up near the border, which is thankfully 1,500 kilometres away, one gang member killed another gang member. To increase the intimidation factor, the assailants showed up at the funeral and shot the widow dead in front of her children.

    I e-mailed a Kelowna Mountie friend with this tale, saying the gangs here make the Hells Angels look like real angels.

    He e-mailed back: “The only difference between the two is that the Hells Angels don’t speak Spanish.”

  • In reversal, two interesting facts for those who think on Castanet forums that Mexico has become the most dangerous place in the world.

    Per capita, there are more murders in Washington, D.C. than in Mexico City.

    It is harder, near impossible, to buy a legal gun in Mexico compared with Canada. Guns are not even manufactured in Mexico.

    There are 350 gun stores in Houston, Texas. That’s where the guns come from.

    The U.S. buys the drugs – supplied by gangs connected with Mexico in every large U.S. city - and Americans add to it by supplying the guns.

    Americans still think it’s a Mexican problem that has little to do with them.

  • More Needlepoint Class - Chuck Poulsen articles