Old dog, no new tricks

Photo: Mark Jennings-Bates

So last week I ended a career. 

More accurately, last week I received an email, and a career was terminated for me. I was fired. 

For many, the dreaded email - re-engineering, down-sizing, layoff, call it what you will - leaves that pit in the stomach empty feeling. It leaves one feeling abandoned on the side of the road. For me it was an incredible relief. I would not be needing counselling.

My short spell as a football star started about three years ago, and ended abruptly last week.

It all started when I had received an invite from a friend to play in a team in the local ‘old-timers’ league. Don’t be confused by the term ‘old-timers’, this is a group of very youthful, energetic ,and competitive football players. I explained that even though I was English, I had never really played football much, my true calling being fencing.

At the beginning of the season, I showed up and was asked what position I played. When I answered, “What’s a position?” I remember people chuckling at my incredible comedic timing, not realizing that I was serious.

Life went on like that throughout the season, as well-meaning players tried to give me the best advice possible when I was running in the wrong direction or standing on the wrong side of the pitch.

That first season, I think we might have come last (or at least close to last) in the league - largely due to my efforts, I suspect.

For the next two seasons, I have had less time to commit, and last year I was only able to show up for four or five games. 

But there is good news. 

With my lack of attendance came an increase in performance for the team. They have steadily climbed in the league standings for the past two years (at least if I understand correctly how they score football, I am pretty sure the team with the most points wins). 

In the process they may have been able to correlate the improved performance with my lack of attendance.

Hence the dreaded email last week, full of apologies and thanks.

I guess it was inevitable. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, particularly if he doesn’t show up for training.

It was a tremendous pleasure getting to know the players on the team, and I had a fun time when I was able to get out. I also know that it will not be challenging for them to find people with a slightly stronger football resume than I have.

I wish the Cantina team the best for the coming season, and challenge any of them to a rally race where I would feel a little more at home than on the football rink.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.