Addled auto-correct

Photo: Contributed - Philip Image

Cell phone auto-correct always gets me in trouble.

Although it is not necessarily what auto-correct corrects that gets me into trouble as much as the combination of annoyingly inexplicable decisions it makes.

To put things into context, when in Mexico last week, my business colleague kept asking me what I wanted to eat off the menu. Politely, I’d reply, “Whatever you’re having.”

By the end of the week, he said I was one of the most easygoing people he had ever met. 

The truth, however, is that I am as blind as a bat. Far-sightedness has crippled my ability to make menu selections, unless I put the menu on the floor, stand up, then look down approximately 5’10”, at which point some of it comes into focus. All of which is on the proviso that the restaurant is extremely well-lit, which, in most cases, it isn’t.

Not only am I as blind as a bat, I have, out of necessity, lost all of my food dislikes. “Whatever you’re having.”

Sure, I can hear the chorus already - why don’t you just wear your reading specs? The answer, for all you women out there asking such a crazy question, is simple. Because I am a guy. 

The same could be said for reading text messages. As annoying as the auto-corrects are, I would not have as much of a problem if I wore my reading specs. But really, how inconvenient is that?

Can I not just trust technology to correct spelling? 

Clearly not. 

When my phone can’t be bothered correcting ‘throughot’ to ‘throughout’, and, instead, blatantly leaves the typo, I realize the algorithm is seriously flawed.

It doesn’t stop there. Auto-correct will take a perfectly reasonable word like ‘reasonable’ and, for no good reason whatsoever, change it to ‘resonate’. 

I don’t know why it does that, in large part because I do not actually see it happen because I am not wearing my specs. But it does do it.

When I do wear my specs, my phone argues with me. 

I type the word I want, and watch carefully as it changes it to something completely different. I correct it again, and it corrects me again. So goes the fight until I get so frustrated that I just call the person.

If this is technology helping us, do we really, truly believe that cars will ever drive themselves? I have my doubts.

The net result of my war with auto-correct is rampant confusion amongst family, missed appointments with colleagues, and the occasional very embarrassing text. 

I put it down to poor eyesight, tiny keyboard . . . and addled auto-correct.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.