Reopening your heart

It is difficult to measure the openness of our hearts, but all we have to do is look at the innocence of children at play. They are not guarded with their feelings, laughter, or affection. If you have children you know what I mean. They are completely vulnerable.

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Vulnerability is a difficult and scary position for many of us. If you are reading this and your heart is beginning to race, you are not alone. However, vulnerability is key to achieving a deeper connection in our relationships and experiencing the intimacy many of us long for.

I know for myself, I never truly understood what vulnerability was and how important it was. Moreover, I never knew how to become vulnerable and I could never get to the level of intimacy and love that I longed for. In my past I battled with depression and had no idea what exactly to do about it. Eventually I got so sick of feeling that way so I started to study, research and look within. I noticed the more closed my heart was, the further I kept people away in life, be it in dating relationships or even with friends and family.

At the end of last year I finally learned how to truly become open with myself. As a result, I saw that I was the only one in charge of my heart and that being vulnerable was okay. When I faced hurtful situations similar to the ones in my past, I didn’t have to turn to destructive behavior or let my thoughts, feelings and mood go spiraling down. I was in charge of the perception and the reality.

I discovered being vulnerable wasn’t such a scary place to be. It was more enjoyable and it allowed me the freedom to see who I really was. Now I can hug, laugh and show affection like a little child in addition to retaining the wisdom I have gained as an adult. I have never been happier in my life than I am today.

After discovering I no longer had to live my life being depressed, I set off on this journey I am on; to share with others the truth I have learned about love. I know we all wish for a recipe, or a step by step guide that lists all the things we need to do in life to get something we desire. However, love does not work that way and neither does vulnerability. Fortunately each one of you doesn’t require a list. You were all created as unique individuals and each one of you possesses the ability to achieve vulnerability and love.

It’s like being a good parent, there is not a step by step guidebook on how to raise children. Parents experience the process and learn to love more effectively through their experiences. Likewise, it is the same with vulnerability, it needs to be experienced, and before we can experience it, we must be willing to try. With a little practice, some guidance and encouragement I believe you all have what it takes to achieve the love and the life you dream of. I believe each one of you has an innocent inner child living inside of you and once rediscovered and added to the wisdom of your adulthood, love will explode in all areas in your life between your partner, your friendships, career, and yourself as a whole.

Photo: Contributed

David Van Trump is 31 and lives in Kelowna. He explores, studies and writes about love and relationships. He wants to share his passion and experience with all those interested. His goal is to motivate and impact people’s life. You can reach him at www.essentialsoflove.com.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.