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Falling Forward  

The annoying thing about change

I’ve written elsewhere that you have to change to change (http://jasonmccarty.ca/2011/you-have-to-change-to-change/). Pretty simple, right? But yet we all struggle with this. Even the smallest and most mundane things we would like to change can feel difficult.

The thing about change is this: we don’t want to.

We all like to think that we are willing to do what it takes, especially when we are struggling. But are we? Sure, we say, I’m doing this and I’m doing that, I’m reading this and I’m reading that, I’m trying to figure out this and I’m trying to figure out that. But when it comes to change, I believe there is a fundamental reality that we must find our way through, and that is overcoming the fact that we don’t want to change. We must confront this. I don’t think it is always obvious because sometimes we might feel we are working hard to change.

The thing about change is this: we are not usually doing the very thing necessary to change. We are not actually changing.
Change is hard work. Do we all want to “get better” or “grow” or “find peace”? Sure we do. Many people WANT to change. Sometimes we think that if we have finally gotten to the reality that we want to change and have accepted this desire for change, that change will begin. We hope that is enough, but soon realize it isn’t. Some get down on themselves because things are not changing just yet.

If change required us to do the things we are willing to do initially for change, then we would have changed already. But change requires us to do things we DON’T WANT to do. This can be many things and seen through many lenses - it is a truth within almost every philosophy of life.

If you are looking to change something in your life, what is it that you have not been willing to do? Have you been hoping that the desire for change will carry you through? What deals have you made with yourself to get out of doing what you actually need to do? Now, what is it about the thing or things you need to do that feels so hard, so unfair, so fill-in-the-blank?

Change is hard, mostly because we don’t want to.



More Falling Forward articles

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About the Author

Jason is a counsellor and life coach in private practice.  He believes strongly in helping clients to remove the obstacles that get in their way so they may embrace and accept who they are, utilizing their own resources.  Whether you want to work on personal growth, life transitions, or just feeling stuck, Jason will help you get to where you want to go.

He is a Certified Canadian Counselor (CCC) with the Canadian Counseling and Psychotherapy Association. Jason has a Master of Arts degree in Psychology with a Marriage and Family Therapy Specialization.  His training prepared him to work with individuals, couples and families.

For more information on Jason's services, visit his website at www.jasonmccarty.ca



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The views expressed are strictly those of the author and not necessarily those of Castanet. Castanet does not warrant the contents.

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