Face everything and rise up

Pushing yourself

Comfort is overrated.

It might be comfortable but it also quickly becomes stale. When we keep doing what we’ve always done, we get what we’ve always got. It’s time to seize the day. Variety is said to be the spice of life.

Living in routine, our minds go on autopilot and we fail to notice so much of what’s really happening. It’s like falling asleep at the wheel of our own lives.

There’s so much we can do without ever having to think. And, maybe that’s the problem. We get pulled mindlessly through the day and then wonder what’s happened and where life has gone. It’s like life living us, rather than us living our lives.

We’ve all driven our usual travel routes, arriving at our destination without noticing anything of our journey. We get lost in thought, like a robot, oblivious to the details through which you’ve passed. This is no way to live.

As one of my teachers, Dean Regnier, cautioned, “Beware the fur-lined rut.” The fur-lined rut is the narrow, yet comfortable space many of us live our lives in. This is where we fall asleep to the wonder, the joy and excitement of life.

Our brains go off-line when we abide within our comfort-zones, and it’s like sleep-walking through life. We’re missing the richness of new experiences as our brains go off-line. Life is meant to be lived, not slept through.

I wonder if the rejuvenation from vacation comes because we are out of our routines, open and available to whatever arises. New experiences heighten our awareness and offer us a juicier experience of life. Even small changes add up.

We can get comfortable with our discomfort. Many prefer to be comfortably unhappy than to risk the discomfort change might bring, preferring complaint over change. Trying new things can be scary. When I’m trying something new, I get butterflies in my tummy but I also get a sense of heightened energy and awareness. I used to let this feeling stop me, but not anymore.

The feelings of fear and excitement are similar to one another. What’s different is the meaning our minds attach to the feeling. Those butterflies can stop me—“stop, danger, danger!”—or they can signal new and exciting possibility.

There are several acronyms for fear. One is “Forget Everything and Run.” This was my old pattern in life. I could find all sorts of reasons to let the fear rule, but life was limited. Each day seemed to be a carbon-copy of previous days. Boring.

Then I moved to a different meaning of fear, “False Evidence Appearing Real.” This helped me to question what was happening, realizing things are not always as they appear, and I became curious.

Now, my favourite acronym for fear is “Face Everything and Rise.”

I feel the butterflies inside, I take a breath and know life begins at the edge of my comfort zone. It is good for my brain as I grow new neuro-pathways, and my physical health benefits. My life has become juicy.

Comfort is overrated. New possibility exists within discomfort. We feel more alive and engaged.

I’ve not been comfortable in years, and find joy in testing my limits, finding new abilities and opportunities I’d never have dreamed of in my old life. Next month I’m fulfilling a long-held desire to parachute out of a plane.

Next time something new comes along, and the butterflies take flight in your belly, seeing them as a signal of excitement can help us know new opportunity is coming. Step out of the rut, into life.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.

Learning to reduce stress and anxiety

Pause for mental health

Stressed out? Can’t focus? Feeling upset? Can’t stop worrying or thinking? Sometimes we feel like we’re caught up in a tornado of thoughts and emotions.

Thinking, thinking, thinking. Lost in thought, but missing life. The virtual reality of our minds prevents us from experiencing what’s really going on in the present moment. Often this virtual reality is not a friendly place.

So much of our precious time on this planet is wasted ruminating on the past, or worrying about the future. Because of the mind’s tendency to pay more attention to what’s challenging, called our inherent negativity bias, negative thoughts are stickier than positive ones. The virtual reality in which we most often dwell is one of difficulty and challenge.

Ruminating and spending time going over the past and the anticipated future prevents us from experiencing the life that we’re actually living. Our bodies may be present but we’re not there as we’re absorbed in a virtual reality in our minds.

I’ve suffered more at the hands of my own mind and imagination than I ever have by what’s really happened. To top it off, our minds don’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined, and therefore our bodies suffer the ill-effects of internal stress chemicals.

The mysteries of the human condition can keep us caught in a rut and feeling victim to our thoughts and moods. When challenging situations arise, getting caught up in life’s dramas has consequence to our health, happiness, and ability to think clearly.

There have been many times in my life when I’ve been surrounded by the beauty of life itself but have missed out on it all because I’ve been locked into the virtual reality of my mind. Our mind, our bodies, and our relationships bear the consequence of this very human tendency.

Our location doesn’t matter if we don’t awaken to what’s really going on in the present moment. If we’re able to bring ourselves present, relaxation is possible. Change is an inside job.

As Jon Kabat-Zinn, professor emeritus of medicine at University of Massachusetts Medical School and father of modern-day mindfulness wrote, “wherever we go, there we are.” We are the one constant in our own lives.

We can change our location as much as we like, until we change what’s happening inside our minds, we will suffer.

Like many, I used to feel victim to life, especially my own thoughts and emotions. Getting caught in a negative mental-loop and experiencing the associated emotions seemed beyond my power to escape.

I’d grown so accustomed to my prevailing thoughts and moods I never questioned if there was a way to change things. I didn’t know the many ways I could change and up-level the negative mental and feeling tendencies I’d practiced for many years.

My life changed for the better when I started to use a simple practice called “Come to Your Senses”. It’s a quick, portable and cost-free way to reduce stress and anxiety. It’s like hitting the reset button. I always find relaxation here and an improved ability to think clearly.

It does not matter the order we use to check in with our senses, what matters is coming back to the present moment by checking in with each sense for about a minute or so.

Come to the Senses:

• Pause and begin to notice the breath. Slow, deep belly breaths are a helpful signal the body to relax.

• Hear all of the sounds around you, just notice them without resisting or judging them. Listen for the more subtle sounds.

• Look at and notice your surroundings. Notice the colours, textures and shapes of things in your physical environment. We’re often blind to what’s really around us.

• Notice how your environment smells, possibly fresh air, the scent of paper or food cooking.

• Taste; are there any tastes in your mouth, can you notice how your mouth and tongue feel?

• Notice sensations of the body. Feel your feet on the ground, your bottom on the seat, your clothing or the air as it touches the skin.

This simple practice allows us to come back to ourselves and feel more present and relaxed. I love to come to my senses frequently, especially in moments when I must wait or when experiencing stress.

Give it a try; the few moments spent in this practice can pay huge dividends for you and your life.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.

The importance of taking a vacation

A vacation mind-set

When saying 'yes' too much is a no-go

Learning to say no

Sacrifice leads to resentment. Giving should be joyful, whether it be financial-giving, lending a hand to another or attending an event.

I wish I’d learned this precious lesson much earlier in my life. For many years, I loved to lavish my “yeses” on the world—and it often led to the unpleasant feeling of sacrifice, robbing me of the joy afforded by giving or participating.

Not only does sacrifice lead to resentment, but it often creates a sense of guilt in the one for whom the sacrifice is offered; a subtle sense of owing or obligation often follows. As my teacher Rev. Dr. Kenn Gordon often cautioned us, resentment blocks prosperity of all kinds.

I used to shame and coerce myself into saying yes. It robbed me of the feeling that arises from a whole-hearted “yes.” These days, I pause and check-in with myself before agreeing to anything. It’s been life-changing, not only for me, but for those I support.

Trying to be liked, to do the right thing and not be left out when agreeing to do something is a trend for many. A sense of obligation or thinking we should do something when we don’t want to is common. It leads to a sense of sacrifice that makes itself apparent in the way we show-up in life; like a perpetual martyr. But really we are only suffering because of our own habit of agreement.

Learning to say no more often, without need to explain or justify myself has also been liberating.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard people quip, “I wish I hadn’t agreed to do this.” We can always change our minds, and personally, it’s my preference to be supported by people’s whole-hearted yes, than one steeped in sacrifice and resentment.

As novelist and activist Annie Lamott reminded us, “No is a complete sentence.”

One of the shortest words in the English language is often the hardest to utter, especially without a trail of excuses behind it. As a complete sentence, no helps us draw personal boundaries that are vital if we are to be responsible agents of our own energetic coin.

While I agree with Annie Lamott’s wisdom, putting her words into practice is another thing.

It turns out our human hesitance to say no is rooted in a normal desire to:

• Be liked

• Feel needed

• Avoid criticism

• Avoid losing friends or social relationships

• Be connected to the group

Because we’re social beings, we want to feel liked and needed, causing us to try to please others by fulfilling their requests.

As humans, we have a brain-bias for yes, as no lands harshly in our neurocircuitry, and can trigger a negative response from others. It can feel unpleasant to be the one to draw the line in the sand.

Breaking the habit of yes has required me to pause and reflect before responding, deciding if I am able and really wanting to say yes. Gaining self-insight and getting clear about my underlying need or desire in responding has helped me to understand what was driving my behaviour.

Learning to check-in for a whole-hearted yes has added richness to my life, and saying no has been a skill I’ve had to acquire over time. At first, it may surprise others who are used to you saying yes but it becomes easier over time. I’ll admit, the early times were the hardest, but it feels liberating and empowering.

Saying no, and ensuring I’m in thoughtful agreement had left me feeling joyful and satisfied in my giving and had staved-off the horrible feeling of resentment. It’s slowed the break-neck speed at which I was living, but has increased my enjoyment of those things I value and love.

If saying no doesn’t come easy, you can begin with the baby-step of saying, “I’ll think about it.”

Give it a try.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.