Stalker or Slacker
Richard Kowalcyk, 36, who for several years has been stalking house-and-home guru Martha Stewart, told reporters Monday that he can barely keep up. "Today was pretty busy," said Kowalcyk, downing a multi-vitamin and a Red Bull energy drink. "We went from her house in the Hamptons to her midtown Manhattan office, then to a business meeting with the marketing VP of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, then on location to upstate New York to do a segment for CBS This Morning at an organic asparagus farm. Then it was back to her office, out to a late dinner meeting with Kmart executives in New Jersey, back to her office again, down to Soho for a brief appearance at a Russell Simmons party, and then finally home. I put in a full 15 hours of stalking today, and I am wiped out." Kowalcyk, who began stalking Stewart in late 1999, said he initially found Stewart's frantic pace "exhilarating."
 

80's Comeback
Remember SDI, deregulation, and tax cuts? The new administration does. That's right, '80s retro fever is sweeping the executive branch, with President Bush and his nostalgia-crazed colleagues going wild for the people and policies of that "totally tubular" decade.

"The '80s were so awesome," said Bush, grabbing a handful of Jelly Bellys from a jar on his Oval Office desk. "They had, like, the best policies back then, like trickle-down economics and communist containment. And the Cabinet members were the coolest: Ed Meese, Caspar Weinberger, George Shultz. I'm so totally going to find a position for Donald Regan in my administration." Bush has already begun indulging his love of all things '80s, nominating James Watt for Secretary of the Interior.

Sheryl Crow Unsuccessful
In spite of recording artist Sheryl Crow's strong protestations the U.S. went to war with Iraq last week. "Making the decision to go to war is hard when you know Sheryl Crow disapproves," Ari Fleischer said at a press conference.