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Army General Goes Solo
Gen. Tommy Franks, commander of American forces in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, announced plans Monday to step down as U.S. Central Command chief to focus on solo bombing projects. "The years I've spent with the Army have been amazing, and we did some fantastic bombing," said Franks at a Pentagon press conference. "But at this point, I feel like I've taken it as far as I can. It's time for me to move on and see what I can destroy on my own."
Franks to Seek Out New Challenges.
"Obviously, the U.S. Army is a first-rate organization," Franks said. "I mean, when we were on, no one could touch us. The '91 Gulf tour, the '95 Bosnia campaign... we kicked some serious ass. But it's precisely because I love it so much that I want to leave before it starts to get stale." Franks relishes the notion of having more creative freedom.
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80's Comeback
Remember SDI, deregulation, and tax cuts? The new administration does. That's right, '80s retro fever is sweeping the executive branch, with President Bush and his nostalgia-crazed colleagues going wild for the people and policies of that "totally tubular" decade.
"The '80s were so awesome," said Bush, grabbing a handful of Jelly Bellys from a jar on his Oval Office desk. "They had, like, the best policies back then, like trickle-down economics and communist containment. And the Cabinet members were the coolest: Ed Meese, Caspar Weinberger, George Shultz. I'm so totally going to find a position for Donald Regan in my administration." Bush has already begun indulging his love of all things '80s, nominating James Watt for Secretary of the Interior. |
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