Back-to-school anxiety

We are only a few short days from school starting up again, and those long, hot days of summer 2015 becoming a memory, rather than a present reality. I am sure we can all remember as children how much we wished summer could have just kept right on going into September and beyond, with the sun staying up long into the evening and bedtimes remaining later! My own children are no exception, and see no reason we shouldn't continue to visit the beach and entertain relatives on an almost daily basis. Nonetheless, as this transition begins to take place, a very common challenge is the feeling of anxiety and the trauma of returning to school and its routines for kids. They can quickly turn the transition from a natural, healthy one into a terrifying experience that impacts the family as a whole.

Very often, the most intense part of back-to-school anxiety comes from the anticipation of that first day, and a child or teen will usually have ample opportunity over that last week of summer to worry about a large number of unknowns. These can include:

• What if my teacher is mean?
• Who is going to sit next to me in class?
• What if other kids won't play with me?
• Is the work going to be too difficult? Then what?
• What if I get bullied?

These are only a few of the potential worries I regularly help kids work through at this time of year, but they can represent a large part of the thought process kids and teens may experience before school begins. When these worries go unchecked, and particularly when planned summer activities tend to have wrapped up and much more unstructured time is present, anxiety and even panic attacks can unfortunately result. If a young person has previously had a challenging school experience, the anticipation of trauma will be amplified significantly.

Over my time both as a teacher as well as through seeing many children dealing with school anxiety in my own practice, I have become aware of three different specific strategies that seem to really help a young person anxious and afraid of returning to school, regardless of the reasons.

1.  A week before school resumes, help them get back into healthy and predictable routines in time for the school year. This means going back to an earlier bedtime (easier now that the days are getting shorter!), bringing structure back to mealtimes that may have naturally disappeared over the summer, and getting up earlier too. Having time to allow the mind and body to adjust to school mode ahead of time, rather than attempting to change all the routines back on day one of school, can make a huge difference.

2.  Being aware, as parents and guardians, of our own moods and body language in the days leading up to and including that first day. If we feel unprepared and cranky, it is almost a guarantee that our kids will not only notice, but take on some of that same stress and intensity themselves. Therefore self-care for the adults is critically important too! Ensure you have made all the necessary clothing and lunch preparations the previous day, and left a bit of time to breathe and relax on that evening before school begins as well. A parent having time for quiet reflection and connection, followed by a good sleep, is actually a huge plus for potentially anxious students.

3.  Initiate conversations about how your child is feeling about school coming up, including both positive and negative things. Choose a quieter, more relaxed part of the day, such as just before bedtime, and most of all, BE PRESENT in that conversation! That means listening carefully to their answers, asking follow-up questions, and ensuring the phone is not even acknowledged for a few minutes. Feeling heard, and having a chance talk through some of the fears and anxiety without interruption will often have massive benefits for the anxious young person.

The return to school does not have to become a painful, stress-filled time for the family. It is in fact a change just as normal and predictable as the beginning of autumn itself, which will soon be upon us. Taking a few intentional steps at this critical time of the year can make possible a healthier return to class, including making new and important social connections at school, and better focus on class work. Start to plan now how to support your child over this last week of summer, and seek assistance as needed.

 

Andrew Portwood is a certified Masters-level counselor in Kelowna with a heart for supporting and helping children, youth and young adults. He has also helped many parents to grasp a better understanding of why their children are choosing the behaviours they have, and how to move forward in a supportive, healthy manner. Creating authentic connection and clarity is essential in all he does, both as a counselor and in his life. Find more about him and his practice:

Website: http://clarowellness.ca/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/AndrewPortwood/

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.