What kids should know about Ferguson

After this past week of protests and violence in Ferguson, Missouri, I struggled with both wanting to acknowledge this event which was noted and discussed by many kids and teenagers, but not willing to do so without some nugget of insight that might be useful for others to digest. There is little point in rehashing events and news coverage of them, especially when they have been so thoroughly covered already, and have no direct connection with growing up here in the Okanagan, at least on its surface. Nonetheless, the need I felt to write about Ferguson in this week's column would not leave me.

The turning point came through a column I found, written by a parent attempting to process the events in Ferguson, and messages they may contain. She writes from a very unique perspective; one of a parent of young children acknowledging her own membership in a privileged group in America - that of being white-skinned - and wishing to connect the implications of this on the messages her children are likely to receive as they grow up. In essence, she states a fact that made much sense to me: being a member of a minority carries with it specific challenges that cannot be fully understood by those of the majority. At a certain point, understanding that some people are treated differently simply on the basis of their ethnicity or skin colour is, I will suggest, a valuable piece of awareness for a young person to obtain.

Admittedly this is not necessarily an easy discussion to have, particularly with children under the age of 7 (as mine are). In fact, I will be very up front and confess my kids currently have no idea whatsoever what racism is, or certainly that it exists even here in Canada. There are many who would question the importance of such a discussion at all, and would leave kids and teens to discover their own perspective on this instead. Nonetheless, this past week reinforced to me that sharing this awareness is something I wish to do as a parent, and now comes the time decide when this discussion must happen, and how I would like to share with them the realities of racism as I see it, in terms that elementary-aged children will best understand.

Some of the lines in the column referenced earlier provide a somber reality, including:

• "Clerks do not follow my sons around the store, presuming they might steal something."
• "Their normal kid stuff – tantrums, running, shouting – these are chalked up to being children, not to being non-white."

These realities for many people are so far gone from my own upbringing that it was nearly impossible to fully comprehend how many in our world have to live with them on a daily basis. Yet failing to share these at some point, in some way, with my children is to prevent some degree of two important elements from fully developing in them: respect and generosity. Respect refers to treating others as you would like to be treated, while generosity is connected with a giving of one's spirit, through sharing and helping others while expecting nothing in return. As I work through doing my best to encourage respect and generosity in my kids (and I speak only for myself, by the way), it became clear that treating all other human beings equally is paramount to the understanding I wish them to have; not just in theory in their minds somewhere, but in everyday practice.

There is no way I can pretend to understand the complexities surrounding the incidents over the last few months in Ferguson, nor do I have any intention of showing my young children a few televised news stories in hopes that it will somehow benefit them. If anything, the past week has reminded me that when opportunities to broaden a child or teen's experience present themselves, especially when it involves addressing difficult topics, it can be a real gift to understand some of these realities of life in our world. It is often only when we do so that choices to empathize and create love-based change around us become actions, and ones that can make us truly proud to have been one small part of.

 

Andrew Portwood is a certified Masters-level counselor in Kelowna with a heart for supporting and helping children, youth and young adults. He has also helped many parents to grasp a better understanding of why their children are choosing the behaviours they have, and how to move forward in a supportive, healthy manner. Creating authentic connection and clarity is essential in all he does, both as a counselor and in his life. Find more about him and his practice:

Website: http://clarowellness.ca/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/AndrewPortwood/

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.