Three ways to reduce money stress

Too often in our society, families lack the needed income to cover the costs of life. Many times both parents work long hours, sometimes at jobs that do not resonate with them, and still struggle to find enough funds to pay the bills, buy healthy food for the family, and provide a lifestyle that meets everyone's needs on a consistent level. As a parent of five year-olds I can empathize with challenges of affording a healthy existence here in Kelowna! Many of us also tend to think of "the working poor" as a relatively small group, when in fact this group describes large numbers of families caught on the treadmill of reasonable expenses regularly outpacing income. For the purpose of providing an example to look at, let me create a typical scenario faced locally, and suggest positive ways we can all deal with the stress of a tight budget.

Let's imagine a family of five: the father is a journeyman electrician, his wife (and mother of their children) works in retail at a store in the mall, and their two boys and young daughter are all in school full time. He is highly skilled and at times makes excellent money running his own business, but experiences both busy and not-so-busy times during the year. His wife works consistent hours, but makes far less than he over the course of a typical month. Each child is in at least one program after school; two play organized school sports and one also plays hockey, while the daughter attends Brownies each week. The family lives in a rented home and owns two vehicles, one of which still requires monthly payments.

The idea of a family being busy is very common, observes no income-related boundaries, and is neither inherently good nor bad. However, what can occur in the family when in addition to the busyness a lack of funds is experienced? Given all their needs and activities, running short of money on a consistent basis is not difficult to imagine for this family. So what can we do to reduce this "money stress"? Let's do a quick primer.

 

A Budget

When the parents are stressed, they will naturally have less patience in general, and may find they are less able to get along with each other. Money is perhaps the most common cause of this stress. They must realize that the stress also can translate into interactions with their children that are less patient and more filled with intensity and anxiety than would be found otherwise. As obvious as it may sound, making a budget to ensure an optimal use of family funds, and adding predictability to the state of the family bank account at a given time, can actually be therapeutic! Not because planning spending is relaxing on its own, but that it helps to add clarity about what can and cannot be afforded, and assist in spending decisions to be made. When we know what's coming and how much we have, the stressful fear of the unknown is reduced dramatically.

 

Providing Perspective

In addition, it can really help children to know that discussions over money and activities can become intense at times, but this in no way means that Mom and Dad do not love each other. Young children will especially need this reassurance, as they are very prone to taking on full responsibility for the parents' anxiety, especially if they sense that they are adding to the money shortage that Mom and Dad seem to always be arguing about! It may not be realistic to usher children out of the room (or the house) when it comes time to balance or discuss the budget, but letting them understand the purpose and meaning behind the intensity they may be feeling from their parents will help them to feel better, and clear up misconceptions they will often have about arguments of this variety.

 

Invest Time, Not Money

Finally, taking time each evening to build connection with the children, either individually or as a group, helps them to weather through the stress and intensity of a family struggling to make ends meet. Even just a few minutes before bed talking about events of the day can make a huge difference! This helps them to internalize that while money is an important issue, it is not nearly as important as time together; and regardless of what challenges the family may experience, nothing will change the love that both parents have for their children, and each other. Giving kids this assurance will help the family home to feel like a safer, more enjoyable place to be. Though finding the essential financial resources can be a real challenge for families, as parents we can give our kids the skills and feeling of safety they will need to be able to grow in a healthy way, plus see a valuable example of how parents can positively work through this challenge.

 

Andrew Portwood is a certified Masters-level counselor in Kelowna with a heart for supporting and helping children, youth and young adults. He has also helped many parents to grasp a better understanding of why their children are choosing the behaviours they have, and how to move forward in a supportive, healthy manner. Creating authentic connection and clarity is essential in all he does, both as a counselor and in his life. Find more about him and his practice:

Website: http://clarowellness.ca/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Andrew-Portwood-Youth-and-Family-Counsellor/

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.