Bald is beautiful

Over the years, I have come across many articles about products claiming to regrow a failing head of hair.

There are all sorts of hair-brained plans to get more follicles growing on the dome that sits atop your shoulders.

There is, of course, the Mecca of hair restoration — The Hair Club for Men — which boasts it can grow more hair than Chewbacca in no time.

There have been some goofy solutions; I read one where the author swore the secret was to put chicken poop on your scalp. Even if it did give you a full head of hair, who would want to walk around all day smelling like a chicken coop.

But we all know if it really did work, the chicken-poop industry would make a fortune at hair salons. 

There are also many more "scientific" ways to restore your flowing head of follicles.

But if one method truly worked, it would be selling like Viagra does for that other man problem.

If you Google hair-loss solutions, there are countless companies, scientists, witch doctors and crack pots offering ways to look more like Brad Pitt than Telly Savalas. (Thank you older people for getting the Savalas reference.)

For the younger crowd (who still have a full head of hair), Savalas was an actor in the '70s and '80s who was bald as an egg on purpose.

He would shave his head and the chrome dome became his trademark. At a time when long locks were lusted after, Savalas shaved his bean daily.

Nowadays, many people go bald intentionally. People with a perfectly good head of hair will shave it right down to the wood.

And why not? What's so bad about going bald?

I can see why an immediate cure was needed for the other man problem because a wobbly weenie is serious business.

But losing a few follicles is not that big a deal.

As you may have guessed, I belong to the hair-challenged segment of society. I started losing my hair at 20 and decided there was not much I could do about it, so why stress over it.

Besides, I have saved a fortune on conditioner, hair stylists and other hair-related products that all you hair heads are shelling out big bucks for.

I do have hair, but just not on my head. Why hair is growing out of my shoulder is a mystery and I must admit, it is an unwanted addition to my already failing physique.

No woman has ever looked at a man and thought, "what a beautiful shoulder of hair he has."

Anyway, losing hair on your head is not that bad, but for some reason, society thinks going bald is not beautiful.

Sure, it is fine to shave a full head of hair, but when Father Time eliminates the hair for you, it's suddenly not cool.

I blame Hollywood for making bald men feel like the hunchbacks of modern times.

In a part of the world where looking marvellous is mandatory, it would appear being bald does not fit the bill.

Bald guys in movies are often portrayed as thugs or goons or relegated to characters who will not see the closing credits.

I am not talking about people who choose to be bald, but those of us who are going bald naturally, but there are some in Tinsel Town who scam the system.

Bruce Willis was balding, so instead of being sent into hair exile, he simply shaved it all off and went with the shinny top look.

Well played, Bruce, well played.

But in general, there are not a lot of balding movie heroes out there.

Those who are losing their lovely locks rarely get the girl, or the bad guy, or the gold, or the...

So unite my bald brothers and never forget bald is beautiful (even if we don't survive to the closing credits.)

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.