Her biggest fan

Photo: Maria Dubova

I’m heading to Bucerios, Mexico on Friday to take advantage of some inexpensive dental work. I’ve had a number of clients who’ve had great results, and it seems time to take the plunge myself. I’ll fill you in on the experience in next week’s column.

My eldest daughter is coming with me to Mexico. She’ll hold my hand during the dental visit, and then we’ll explore, relax, eat, drink, and just hang out. Last night I reminisced as to how this lovely mother/daughter relationship unfolded.

Brie was three years old when I became a single mother to three young children. Needless to say, she became Mommy’s Little Helper at a very young age. Fetching diapers, holding bottles, and soothing her baby brother’s cries topped her list of responsibilities. 

I remember being late once, for an appointment. I woke all the kids from their afternoon naps to get out of the house on time, and shooed Brie into the bathroom while I attended to her younger sister and brother. Moments later I called out to ask if she was ready.

“Not yet, Mommy. I think my pee pee’s still asleep!” was her sweet response.

She was an easygoing child through elementary and middle school. Excellent student, great friends, and involved in both swimming and soccer. 

In Grade 10 it all changed. 

My previously sweet girl became a sullen, moody, and rebellious she-wolf. New party friends replaced old friends, and skipping school became her new sport. Her grades plummeted. 

I fought to hang on as she drifted further and further away. Finally I had to admit that the lure of this new party crowd was beyond my control, and I had to get her away from their influence. 

The hardest thing I’ve ever done as a mother was pack her up and send her off to her father and step-mother on the coast. She didn’t talk to me for six months. I never stopped calling though - she was not going to shake me loose. 

She quickly adjusted to her new surroundings, and went on to graduate top of her class. 

We’ve since spoken about this history. You can’t use hindsight as an argument when discussing parenting, and whereas I agreed that I could have handled some things differently, she needed to understand that I was dealing with the information I had at hand with the experience and knowledge I had at that time. My reactions were always based in love and concern for her welfare. Oh hindsight. If only we could bottle it!

During her twenties, we navigated that tricky transformation from ‘mother’ to ‘friend with strong opinions’. I tend to have a very voracious Mama Bear protective streak as well. I was there with a shoulder to cry on during heartbreak, stood back anxiously but allowed her to handle her problems and obstacles her way, and supported her post-secondary education. 

I am her biggest fan.

It was a sometimes rocky and thankless road, but I wouldn’t trade motherhood for anything.  I’m happy with the knowledge that I truly like and admire the adults my children have become. 

My role as a mother is continually changing to suit their needs, and the reward for this? 

My daughter thinks I'm cool enough to travel with.

Photo: Joy McGinnis

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.