Don't be dead right

As I backed out of my driveway a few days ago, I could hear a car in the distance. We live on a corner and the engine I heard was coming up the road perpendicular to the one our driveway leads on to.

I knew the person would come to a stop sign before turning right onto my street, so the right-of-way was mine. I continued to back up.

That seems very straight forward, but the situation was a little more complex than it might appear.

Many drivers ignore the stop sign if they are making a right turn onto my road. They look left to see if a car is coming down the hill and if it is clear, they zip around the corner with only the slightest decrease in speed.

I knew by backing out, I was taking a risk. If the driver was turning right, which most do, and didn’t glance in my direction before she turned, she might not see my car.

As I suspected, she glanced to her left and then proceeded to turn right. Luckily, the road was empty except for us. She swerved around me and sped off down the hill.

The experience annoyed me, so when I returned to my house I consciously looked to see if a car was approaching the stop sign. As luck would have it, a vehicle was nearing the sign.

Instead of pausing to make sure the car would stop, I signalled and turned left. I even slowed down to make sure the car couldn’t get around the corner without noticing me blocking their path.

I was full of righteousness indignation after two close calls in a short space of time. As I shared my story with my husband, the little voice in my head chimed in.

“Is it more important for you to make a point, or for you to be safe?”

That got me thinking.

When my dad taught me to drive, he stressed safe driving principles. He would say, “You may be right, but do you want to be dead right?”

This question resurfaced as I thought about my actions. People should stop at the sign, but am I willing to risk my safety by putting my little convertible in front of their speeding vehicle?

Is this an affective way to get people to pay attention to the sign? It may stop one or two of them, but unless a major accident occurs, and a tribute of flowers gets left on the corner, it is unlikely to have a greater impact.

Is this cause so important that I would lay down my life for it?

This brings me to the big question. What’s the most important thing, the principle, or the long-range outcome?

This is a big question for some marriages. Arguments arise for the sake of fairness rather than in search of a way to make the relationship work.

A common example of this surfaces for couples with children. Many moms feel they are unfairly burdened with childcare and household duties. I know that I felt I was on duty 24-7 when my two were young.

I felt my husband wasn’t doing his fair share.

I know that I was annoyed more by the principle than by all the work I did, because whenever my spouse was away for his annual ski trip, I was happy doing my normal tasks, picking up the slack for him, and starting projects like giving one of the rooms a makeover.

The fact that he wasn’t there reminding me how little he did compared to me freed me from my negative feelings about the work I did. For me, the principle of sharing the load outweighed my desire to be happy, although I didn’t realize it at the time.

Wanting life to be fair leaves you vulnerable to being unhappy, because often life isn’t fair. That doesn’t mean you should suck it up and do everything yourself or avoid standing up for your beliefs.

If you find yourself caught between your principles and wise action, take time to consider the following questions.

• What is your long-range goal?
• How is standing up for your principle, or belief moving you towards that goal?
• What alternative action could you take that will move you towards your goal?
• What is your best action?

I want to live a long and happy life. Trying to make a point about the stop sign by backing out when I know a car is approaching the corner doesn’t support my goal.

Choosing my safety over the principle gives me a much better chance of achieving the outcome I want, even though I believe drivers should be forced to stop at the sign.

I am not suggesting you should sacrifice your principles at all costs, I am counselling you to stop and think about your choices and then to act consciously rather than reacting from emotions.

When I backed out of my drive way, I didn’t stop to consider the wisdom of my actions, I reacted without thought.

I love being right, but as my dad would say, I don’t need to be dead right.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.