You and your anus
Announcer Voice: “Welcome to another edition of “Starfish Sports. Here is your host, winner of 5 Buck-Eye News Hawk awards, Ben Dovermann!”
Ben: “Good day sports fans, we are live on location with a COL network exclusive. Today, I am speaking with Jeff Hay, the newest member of Team Colonoscopy! Jeff, how does it feel to be part of amazing team?”
Jeff: “Well Ben, it feels terrific to be part of Team Colonoscopy! I’m not gonna lie, I was a little nervous to first join, but it’s a great bunch of guys here, I just want to give it my best shot, and with the Good Lord willing, things will work out. You just gotta play’em one day at a time! I want to make this team proud!”
Ben: “Is it true that you are one of the younger players on the team?”
Jeff: “Yes, it’s true, most of the guys on the team are older, but my Doc, Seymour Butts (we call him Coach) saw something in me and wanted me to join the team right away! And I’m so glad I did because I now know all is well!!”
Ben: “How did you prepare for the Super Porcelain Bowl event?”
Jeff: “Well, Ben, the lead up was the toughest. The two day prep was not a place to cut corners, I needed to apply myself and get my body ready. Coach said he needed a full commitment from me. If I didn’t do everything 100%, my coach would be able to see ‘it’!”
Ben: “That makes perfect sense. How did game day go?”
Jeff: “Dude, on game day, I was so in the zone! I don’t even remember a thing. Coach said I was perfect out there and he loved what he didn’t see!”
Ben: “That’s terrific. Now how did your family react to you joining Team Colonoscopy?”
Jeff: “My family is really supportive and proud! They think I’m brave, but I don’t think its bravery: it’s just what a good dad does! Both grandpas gave me a proud pat on the back too, they joined the team back in the 80s!” It’s cliché to say ‘I want to be around for my kids’, and now I know my anus is the gateway to my future (that is not a cliché, but it should be).”
Ben: “So true. How have your friends reacted to the news?”
Jeff: “Well Ben, it’s been interesting. Most of have been happy for me, but some of the boys have scoffed. When I asked when they would be joining the team with me, they said probably never! One wimp even said he would never let another man ever look into his “potential”. I was shocked at such dumb juvenile behaviour!! I mean, this is your life! You gotta join the team, we always need more players. You can be embarrassed or dead, you decide. If you are over 35 and have an anus, you should ask your doctor when it’s right for you to join our team!
Ben: “That’s beautiful man… Thanks Jeff! Hey, I have an anus, maybe I should join?”
Jeff: “You should, what are you waiting for Ben Dovermann?”
Ben: “Okay Jeff, you got me… I’ll look into it!”
Jeff: “Better yet, let a doctor look into it!” (laughter, fade to black)
Look, I know it’s your bum and you might be embarrassed to even talk about it, let alone let someone look in there. But get over it! You need to do this. PERIOD.
The National Cancer Institute of Canada (NCIC) acknowledges Colorectal Cancer (CRC) as the third most common cancer and the second most common cause of death from cancer for both Canadian men and women.
According to Colon Cancer Canada, CRC is preventable, treatable, and beatable! Colon cancer is 90% preventable if detected early. 90%!!!!
Unfortunately, nearly half of those diagnosed find out too late. Imagine finding out 10 years too late about something that could have been prevented, and the alternate path your life could have taken. Just scoping one person can help screen across your family for warning signs.
The procedure is so easy as I was sedated. It doesn’t hurt, and you don’t walk like a bowlegged cowboy for days after. So put on your big boy pants, stop being a wimp, and remember where the crystal ball to your future is located.
Do it for your family, your spouse, and yourself! Don’t get left behind! Join Team Colonoscopy today!
Until next time…
Read more The Dad Vibe articles
- Your Mom is a lying witch! Apr 18
- R we teaching our children 2 B dumb? Apr 4
- You better than your Dad? Mar 14
- My kid needs to suffer... Jan 17
- To find out or not to find out? Jan 10
- You and your anus Dec 13
- Loving my red-headed stepchild... Nov 29
- God Bless the Lost Boys of Sudan Nov 22
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