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The-Dad-Vibe  

Brink of divorce? Wait.

Feb 7, 2016 / 12:00 pm
“Your one idea saved my marriage.” The Good Men, a biweekly men’s group that I run, has a simple mandate: To help each other be better men. Better fathers, better partners, and better people. No sacred circles, hand holding, or kumbaya. Just talking. We all love our...

My genetically average kids

Jan 8, 2016 / 6:00 am
My kids are athletically genetically average. I am ok with that. We have exposed our children to as many activities as life, time, and money will allow. We tried hockey. We tried soccer. We tried baseball. We tried rugby. We tried dance. We tried ballet. We tried...

"Santa's dead??"

Dec 25, 2015 / 6:00 am
Dearest Santa, I know you are reading this letter at your busiest time, and for that I do apologize. Having paid my dues in Christmas retail, I always hated the shoppers who ran into the store at closing time, but I do need to talk to you about this Christmas, and my four children. Our...

People, not things

Dec 11, 2015 / 6:00 am
Facebook can waste a ton of your valuable time with Cat Fail videos, but every once in a blue moon, a gem will cross a “newsfeed”. Last week, the final thoughts of a rich man shook me to my core. The alleged final words were exactly what I have been preaching to my kids: “People,...

Your wife hates this

Nov 27, 2015 / 6:00 am
Four things your wife hates about you ~ Inspired by my recent Gottman Couples therapy training, here are four things your wife loathes about you. You, and these items, become girls’ night fodder as females congregate to lament their choice in their male partner. You don’t...

Just say no!

Oct 30, 2015 / 6:00 am
I love older people and the wisdom they give. As I sat with a group of spry seniors, I overheard this gem. “Parent’s don’t say ‘no’ to their kids anymore, that’s why the kids today are spoiled and feel so entitled.” Just saying ‘no’, is...

But . . . who comes first?

Oct 16, 2015 / 5:00 am
Out of the blue a friend asked me - on New Years Eve, of all times - is your relationship with your kids more important than your relationship with your spouse? I immediately answered “YES!” Then a second later, I said, “NO!” Then I said “Maybe?” Who...
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Gay black female president

Oct 2, 2015 / 5:00 am
Savvy universities annually send their professors cheat sheets to educate and prepare them for their incoming new students. These cheat sheets are chockfull of factoids about the world to which these new students, most born in the late 90s, can relate. Seinfeld examples are lost on these...

Crank up the step-dad love!

Jun 19, 2015 / 5:00 am
Father’s Day is my favourite day of the year. Period. Father’s Day has not been a national holiday as long as Mother’s Day (1972 vs. 1910), but today’s more involved dads don’t care about history – we love our kids. I treasure the hand crafted gifts my...

Baby, beggar and a left turn

Jun 5, 2015 / 5:00 am
I was driving in a bad mood. I don’t even remember what was wrong. I guess something in my entitled, privileged life wasn’t working out the way I wanted. Even the smiling, cooing eight-month old baby in the back seat couldn’t break up the dark gloomy clouds over my head. In a...

'Mommy's house is better'

May 22, 2015 / 6:00 am
When my ex-wife came out four years ago, I knew MY world was never going to be the same, but I quickly realized that my children’s world was about to look very different too. Gone was the dream of the “white-picket-fence-perfect-million-dollar family”. This odd idyllic image was...

These Dads get it!

May 8, 2015 / 5:00 am
Last Sunday, I was the host and DJ for the 10th Annual Father Daughter Dance, a dance that started back in 2005 with only 17 dads. We thought 17 dads coming was cool, but this year we were at capacity with over 175 dads, together in one room, each with one, two, or even three daughters for an...

Naked in front of kids?

Apr 24, 2015 / 5:00 am
Let me set the scene for the last time my son ever saw my penis... It was between the second and third period of a junior hockey Rockets game. There were not enough toilets to accommodate the ‘beer-bladdered’ home town hockey fans. So there we were, father and son, hand in hand,...

Spousal resentment meter

Apr 10, 2015 / 5:00 am
Late last week, we took our Spousal Resentment Meter (SRM) from a volatile 6 back down to a calm 0. Psychologist Dr. Alison Poulsen has a great definition of resentment; “... is the feeling of bitterness, anger, or hatred resulting from a real or imagined wrong. The key difference between...

'50 Shades of You'

Mar 13, 2015 / 5:00 am
There are no handcuffs or blindfolds in this movie... No retakes, no clever editing, no body doubles; it’s you, raw and uncut.... This is the movie of your life... the movie your kids watch everyday. You and your partner are the stars of the movie, but also the director, producer...

How to raise a kid no one likes

Feb 13, 2015 / 5:00 am
You avoid them at work. You get stuck talking to them at parties. They dated your best friend’s roommate. These are the adults that no one likes. How did they become so self-centered, obnoxious, and plain awful? What happened in their formative years that created these...

Daddy's gone? Where?

Jan 16, 2015 / 5:00 am
Unlike retailers and children everywhere, I do not look forward to December and I am thankful that it is over. Although Santa’s arrival is awesome, it’s the departures in December that drag me down. I am not a morbid-glass-half-empty-doomsday type of person, but my optimism and...

My step-dad struggles

Dec 5, 2014 / 5:00 am
“Our son did that!” “You mean your son or my son?” “Yeah, guess what stunt your son pulled today?” With more and more marriages ending in divorce, the number of blended families continues to rise. In fact, in the stats I found, the blended family has...

I know why you two fight: Part 2

Nov 21, 2014 / 5:00 am
In part 1, we looked at the first reason why you two may fight, your protective self vs. your authentic self. Now I want to talk about the great Terry Real, best selling author and founder of the Relational Life Institute, who coined the term "core negative image (CNI)” as it...

I know why you two fight

Nov 7, 2014 / 5:00 am
I know exactly why you and your partner fight with each other. Sure, your fights might masquerade and manifest as arguments about money, the kids, the lack of sex, or who took out the garbage last, but that is not really what they are about. At the absolute root, it's about your...

Dads do it differently!

Oct 24, 2014 / 5:00 am
Dads do it differently. Not better. Not Worse. Just different. That was one of my main points in my keynote speech “What Dads Really Want…” which I delivered last week in beautiful Penticton, BC. My room was full of childcare service providers, moms, and actually, a great...

The day I lost my daughter

Sep 12, 2014 / 5:00 am
There is nothing better than Daddy-daughter night at the mall. It’s a night of nothing but holding hands, shopping, ice cream and “sometimes treats”, and laughing all the way. It was pure magic, until we hit the big department store. While we were looking at shiny new toys, I...

Talk to your kids for 7 Minutes?

Aug 15, 2014 / 5:00 am
I try to keep my writing light and interesting, but sometimes I preach. Today is a preaching day because I came across a very alarming study yesterday… According to this study, many parents spend less than 7 minutes a day in communication with their children. That is shocking,...

A stranger touched my child...

Jul 25, 2014 / 5:00 am
The Bad Touch: When a stranger Touched my little girl I tickle and wrestle with my little girl and my little boys too, when they initiate. They have granted me that privilege as a caring, loving father. I will not tickle and wrestle with your children. Aside from being wildly...

Bottles, breasts and erections

Jul 11, 2014 / 5:00 am
4 Things NOT to say to a Bottle Feeding Dad… I love breasts. Always have. Breasts feed babies. Sometimes... We have all heard the slogan “Breast is Best”. Heck, I lived that motto at every high school party in my awkward teenage years. But if breastfeeding...

What Dads really want on Father's Day...

Jun 13, 2014 / 5:00 am
Forget Christmas, my birthday, or even Halloween - Father’s Day is my favourite day of the year. Not for the commercialism or gifts I may receive, but for this amazing opportunity I have been given: to be a father. Happy Father’s Day to all those men playing a significant role in...

Meet our baby boy Clarence...

May 16, 2014 / 5:00 am
"Some gal would giggle and I'd get red, And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head, I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue!” In the classic Johnny Cash song, “A Boy named Sue”, a father that wasn’t going to be around to raise his son,...

Daddy on a Pedestal, for now

May 2, 2014 / 5:00 am
When I was 13 years old, I heard someone screaming obscenities from our garage as I was coming up the front walk after school. I was afraid and uncomfortable, wondering who the angry man was in our garage. I timidly stuck my head in and saw my father standing there with a small electrical burn...

Your Mom is a lying witch!

Apr 18, 2014 / 5:00 am
I wrote this article in early February while in New Orleans at the Dad 2.0 summit: a gathering of influential dad writers, marketers, speakers, and bloggers. On the airport shuttle bus to the hotel, I witnessed something that made me sick to my stomach. While most people ride a shuttle bus in...

R we teaching our children 2 B dumb?

Apr 4, 2014 / 5:00 am
I don’t want to raise ungrateful kids. I don’t want to raise unhealthy kids. I don’t want to raise kids with low self-esteem. And after having dinner last month with internationally renowned children’s singer and advocate Raffi, I realized also I don’t want to...

You better than your Dad?

Mar 14, 2014 / 5:00 am
Of course you are right? You are more evolved that your dad – he was more “hands off”, harder to reach, more authoritarian than nurturer. You are more connected and involved with your kids, but are you really a better dad? How do we define that? “Better Dad”?...

My kid needs to suffer...

Jan 17, 2014 / 5:00 am
As parents, our natural born instinct is to protect and shelter our children from pain, harm, or any negative consequences. However, to grow and thrive, they need to suffer setbacks and failures to learn, and prepare for life. So the question shouldn’t be IF we should let our kids...

To find out or not to find out?

Jan 10, 2014 / 5:00 am
Last year was awesome. My Dad Vibe ‘tribe’ continues to grow and I want to quickly thank all of you for your support and sharing. How exciting to have an article go viral. I’m hoping 2014 will be even bigger. One thing is for sure, my family will be larger as we welcome, in...

You and your anus

Dec 13, 2013 / 5:00 am
Announcer Voice: “Welcome to another edition of “Starfish Sports. Here is your host, winner of 5 Buck-Eye News Hawk awards, Ben Dovermann!” Ben: “Good day sports fans, we are live on location with a COL network exclusive. Today, I am speaking with Jeff Hay, the newest...

Loving my red-headed stepchild...

Nov 29, 2013 / 5:00 am
This is a tough article to write as my vulnerabilities and weaknesses will be revealed. I have had the opportunity to work with other people’s children and treat them as my own through various jobs running a childcare centre, directing a summer camp, and years spent teaching and coaching....

God Bless the Lost Boys of Sudan

Nov 22, 2013 / 5:00 am
The “Lost Boys of Sudan” is a horrific story, both chilling and incredibly sad. Tragically enough, it’s also one of the most effective parenting tools I have ever found. In my never ending quest to help my children develop compassion and an attitude of gratitude, I stumbled...

Do you think you are better than me?

Nov 15, 2013 / 5:00 am
No, this question is not “You vs. Me” in a test of parenting skills. No, it is not a question to be asked between a stay-at-home dad and a working dad. This question is about your relationship with your spouse. This was a golden question that came up in a friend’s...

A kid to share a drink with!

Nov 8, 2013 / 5:00 am
I had time to kill waiting for a friend at a pub. I knew no one in this pub, yet sitting on that bar stool, on a cloudy Tuesday afternoon, I received one of the best pieces of parenting advice ever from the Irish gent sitting two bar stools away. Long story short, after awkward introductions,...

That's my daughter, the slutty pirate

Nov 1, 2013 / 5:00 am
What in the world has happened to Halloween costumes? I don’t see the tin man and the scarecrow anymore, all I see are sluts and axe murdering zombies. Where have all the fun costumes gone? Why is it just sexy or killers? I need to rant – maybe I’m showing my age, but I...

I was a bad dad today!

Oct 25, 2013 / 5:00 am
Written in the spirit of Dr. Seuss I didn't plan on it. It just happened. I woke up with the best of intentions, But ended up with a day of frustrations. I didn't inspire, I didn't encourage, I didn't do much, Not a bounce on a tramp, A...
About the Author

Jeff Hay is a Kelowna-based writer, motivational speaker, parenting coach, and father of four.

Along with writing for Castanet, Jeff also writes for the Huffington Post, the Good Men Project, and the National Fatherhood Initiative in the United States. 

When he is not playing his favourite role of 'DAD', Jeff speaks throughout Canada as a popular parenting educator, working on his website – www.thedadvibe.com, and writing his parenting book for dads, “Wait Till Your Father Gets Home!

Jeff dedicates his life to improving the well-being of children by increasing the proportion of children growing up with involved, responsible, and committed fathers.

E-mail Jeff your thoughts or questions anytime at [email protected]

 



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The views expressed are strictly those of the author and not necessarily those of Castanet. Castanet does not warrant the contents.




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