Stress.

It’s not a big word, but it carries the same impact as a category five hurricane. (Meaning: wreaks havoc on arterial veins, pushes over shallow-rooted grip on sanity, breaks synapses off at the transmitters, damages modicum of restraint.)

Stress.

It comes in many forms, but seems to be most prevalent during the holiday season. For example: when hanging outdoor Christmas lights with your husband for the first time.

“Can you hold them up?” Mark snaps.

“I am holding them up. I’m only five-foot-six, for Pete’s sake. How much ‘up’ do you need them?”

“High enough so you don’t…! Arrrgh! Now look what you’ve done. You’ve pulled them all down!

“I pulled them down? How about, you-and-the-freaking-ladder-pulled-them-down, you bulb-breaking baboon...”

“Ahuh.”

Three hours later:

“Okay. They’re beautiful. You’ve got them all hung exactly two-and-one-quarter inches apart. Now, if I might risk stating the obvious, isn’t the plug supposed to be at the other end?”

Stress.

It comes in many shapes and sizes, but seems to be most prevalent when it involves eleven-year-old boys, decorations, and a Christmas tree.

“I can’t reach the top. Can I stand on this branch?”

“No.”

“Can I hang Radar’s bone in the tree?”

“No.”

“Can I have another candy-cane?”

“No.”

“Can we use this Christmas ball as a hacky-sack?”

“No.”

“Can I have another candy-cane?”

“NO!”

“Hey! Why are the ornaments I made hanging at the back?”

Stress.

The effects are sudden and severe and in many cases, directly proportional to the amount of angst you might feel catching the cat doing his business down the heating vent, five minutes before the mother-in-law arrives.

Stress.

Don’t get me wrong. I know the holiday season is supposed to be a festive occasion. Heck, any Christmas advertisement will show you that. But when did it get so complicated? And what do you do when you’ve got the “I’m-on-the-verge-of-pulling-all-of-my-hair-out” Christmas-time blues?

Well, according to my research, here are some stress relief strategies to get you through the holidays:

Commit to making everything in life stress-free. (Perfect. Let’s skip the holidays and go straight to Mother’s Day.)

Remind yourself to relax with a calming mantra. (For example: “I like my hair… I want my hair… I need my hair.”)

Use relaxing scents and aromatherapy to improve your mood. (Kinda defeats the purpose when every time you turn the heat on the house stinks like a litter box.)

De-clutter. Mess creates confusion and the sense that you’ve lost your power. (No, loss of power is when your husband plugs 429 Christmas light strings into a single electrical socket.)

Just say “No.” Refine the art of refusing. (Okay, so I’m willing to give that one a try. In fact, save me the breath and tattoo it on my forehead.)

Stress.

Twas’ the stress before Christmas and out in the shed, rang the sounds of premature balding and me banging my head.