Mantherapy

News flash! Men and women are different, which means when it comes to some problems, men need different kinds of help and solutions than most women do. What’s that you say? Men have it all? The whole world is already oriented toward men so what am I complaining about? Yes, yes I know – as a man I cannot appreciate the myriad different problems and challenges and indignities women face every single day. My gifted chromosome pack has left me utterly incapable of grasping the very unfairness of what it means to be a woman in today’s world. Well, right back ‘atcha ladies (and their apologists). I say women are incapable of appreciating just how difficult it can be to be a guy in today’s world either.

Thanks to almost two generations of female-centric legislation, education and cultural climate men have officially taken up residence in the back seat of the car. Women steer with impunity while granny and the kids play in the glove box and mess around with the mirrors. We’re not blameless of course, we could have done more to fight all this, but after nearly fifty years of being treated as little more than knuckle-dragging sperm shooters we have begun to live down to what’s expected of us. And I have little doubt this is what’s led to the almost unbelievable number of broken marriages and upset families across North America and Europe. What happened to the guys that used to stick it out when the going got tough? Where is the quiet dignity and focused power men were once known for? When did guys start wearing flip flops in public?

It is a very real crisis, and as a result some men are even starting to snap. But the feminine world order doesn’t really speak the language of today’s troubled male. To be fair, it is hard to help someone when the (by now) agreed upon starting point for the patient is that “it” is pre-programmed to be sexist, racist, aggressive, closed-minded and dumb. So much to fix before any help can even be offered.....

Except for Colorado. For whatever reason, the Centennial State has decided they would be the ones to try and help men in ways that actually made sense to them. Officially, the outfit taking the lead in this initiative is the Carson J. Spencer Foundation in association with the Colorado Dept. Of Public Health and Environment. They also tied in the Office of Suicide Prevention for good measure. The website is www.mantherapy.org and the mascot/leader of the program is quite a man. His name is Dr. Rich Mahogany and I should let his words speak for himself.

“Grilling animal meat – aromatherapy for men.”

“Pooping. Meditation – the way a man would do it.”

“The 7Th inning stretch. Yoga – the way a man would do it.”

The guy is a flesh cartoon of masculinity – a puffy, moustachioed blow-hard living in his dark wood office with all manner of hunting trophies, diplomas and assorted male bric-a-brac. He presents himself as being the one to remind all that he and he alone understands that men have their own way of doing things, from straightening up things (leaf blowing papers off the desk) to exercise (bowling) to keeping his hands warm (both hands, right down the front of his pants). He brings it all together by saying that when a man faces life problems he needs his own way of dealing with those too – and in turn he directs guys in need to the mantherapy website.

The website is at once hilarious, but oddly thoughtful too, mixing humor and spectacle with genuine advice and suggestions for a man dealing with painful life issues. One video features Rich offering suggestions for stress relief: breathing. Now while that may seem kind of femmy at first Rich’s way is more.....well, guy.

“Well, your sonuvabitch boss has you working late, or you’re stuck behind a 105-year-old lady doing 7 in the fast lane (pause....grimace) breathing exercises are a subtle yet manly way to combat stress and anger. Watch as I demonstrate.” At this point Dr. Rich Mahogany tells us to close our eyes, take a deep breath through our nose and “feel the breath travel down your gullet, into your belly.” Then he tells us to slowly exhale for a good seven or eight seconds. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu......(rest bleeped out).” He calmly centers himself, and indicates to his audience “Again.”

Other videos have him doing yoga (showing waayyyy more than you need to see of him) and cooking. They are absolutely hilarious to watch but the underlying theme is one that, even applied humorously, must not be forgotten. Men are not women and as such they relate to everything differently than the fairer sex would. This is neither right nor wrong, it’s just the way it is and if it takes a guy like Dr. Rich Mahogany to drive that lesson home so be it. I swear, even fake, Dr. Rich is real in a way Dr. Phil hasn’t been since he traded in tough-talk for the Hollywood sissy-circuit of thoughtless, self-indulgent.........breathe AdFool, breathe.

Photo: Contributed

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.