The male fascination with breasts is fairly understandable, at least to my mind. When it comes to guys, the triumvirate of awesome almost always includes food, sex and sports. And the female breast is just about the most perfect example ever of something that covers off all three baseline desires. Consider, the breast provided tasty (and fairly immediate) food when we were hungry, remains an integral (and entertaining) component of the sex act and due to the gender that carries them around, demands so much strenuous time, effort and commitment just to see them on a regular basis that you’ve got the “sport” aspect all accounted for too.

Now, more often than not, we guys do make fairly large asses of ourselves when it comes to the existence of the breast in everyday life. Far too often we let our eyes linger (stare) way longer than we ever should versus focusing on the person actually speaking. We gawk carelessly when they happen by, sometimes even ignoring the individual we’re with in favor of a glance at some disembodied piece of flesh belonging to others. This leads to routine embarrassment (and pain, at least when you get smacked). But somehow we can’t help it, because when you get right down to it, we dudes just don’t have what the ladies have. And no, man-boobs don’t count (‘cause if they did I doubt most of us would ever leave the house). Men adore breasts. That’s just the way it is.

Still, I won’t take all the blame for my gender. The gals themselves are just as focused on their “girls” as we are. Correct me if I’m wrong but it ain’t all guys out there buying push-up bras now is it? And how many times is it the man’s idea to start stuffing up top or even getting augmentation surgery? I think that it’s pretty safe to say both men and women have done some pretty silly things when it comes to the female breast.

And we can now add Oreo to that list as well.

You have to have seen it, because everyone has seen it. An ad for Oreo cookies that shows a baby, mouth on full latch, eyeing the Oreo cookie he has in his other free hand. The caption beneath reads: Milk’s favorite cookie.

The “ad” has since gone viral, as it supposedly originated in some far-off Korean ad campaign. Now I add quotes to the description of it as an ad because Oreo parent Kraft Foods is currently denying that it ever meant for the picture to be seen publicly in the first place. A spokesperson from Kraft told CBS St. Louis that the ad was not intended for mass public consumption, ever. “We’d like to clarify that Kraft Foods did not create this visual,” a spokesperson claimed via e-mail. “In fact, this visual was created by our agency for a one-time use at an advertising awards program.” Apparently they used it in some in-house presentation to their own people. They denied it was ever used in Korea, or anywhere else for that matter. All I can say is that must have been some awards show.

Now while my initial thought at seeing the ad was that it was kind of gross I’m no longer so sure. I mean the kid is eating what is supposed to be nature’s most perfect food – and yet he’s looking at the cookie like it wouldn’t be such a bad option. That’s actually pretty funny. And how about the idea that having some Oreo’s with breast milk might go down pretty nice? I’m not saying it’s a mixture I’d contemplate right now but way, wayyyy back in the day, heck why not? That’s even more hilarious.

Photo: Contributed

The picture itself is even quite something. It’s an odd mix of innocence, sexuality and food – all wrapped up in appropriate amounts of confusion and misdirect. In a way, that kind of makes this the perfect ad. Especially the way it’s all turned out. For something that was supposed to be in-house only it’s whipped around the world several times, creating cookie mountains of free publicity. Talk about bang for your buck. Now the only thing to come is the crying and wailing as to the inappropriateness of the ad.

Contrast this to a recent Australian ad that was banned by the authorities. That spot showed a hot young couple racing around a car parkade as the sprinklers shower (and show-off) their flash ride. Several shots focus in on the attractive woman passenger’s heaving bosom, which must have been why they ultimately banned the ad, right? Wrong. They banned the ad because the belief was that the commercial was promoting unsafe driving. Truly, the faceless bureaucrats known collectively as “they” have won. And taken alongside our Oreo adventure the real crime will not be that folks are offended or traumatized by a gratuitous boob shot but by the fact that a baby is seen considering a food that is officially unhealthy for him. I say no! I say fight the power! Don’t let them win! Oreos - and breasts – forever!