Vintage Lingerie

A few days back, I turned my ankle playing basketball. In the past, I’ve turned my ankle dozens of times but overall I’m pretty durable. Usually, a quick break followed by a short walk-around rectifies any momentary discomfort and I’m back in the game – no real harm done. Not this time. The darn ankle just wouldn’t loosen up and stop hurting. So as I hobbled around, contemplating how I might be able to keep playing, I caught more than a few knowing looks coming my way from some of the other dudes I play with. Most of the guys are slightly older, and definitely a little wiser, when it comes to comprehending what was actually going on. “Sit down, it’s done for tonight” they said. “Take it easy and rest it.” Well, I sure didn’t want to, but the damn thing wouldn’t quit throbbing so finally I gave in and sat down. As it happens, I spent the next week and a half sitting down.

In my pain-enforced convalescence, I happened to come across an ad campaign for a new line of lingerie being pushed by Pamela Anderson. I was a little surprised to see something from her as I hadn’t heard or even seen that much about BC’s one-time hottest export in quite a while. It’s been several years since the sex tapes all but dried up and even the train-wreck relationship spectacles she was just as well-known for are seemingly missing in action. Is Pamela even working these days? What’s going on with her anyway?

Now I’ll go ahead and claim “research” for ogling her recent promotional pics stumping some new line of fancy nylons but I must admit that the woman still does retain an ability to stop traffic, even if it’s just puffy, wannabe athletes icing their ankles on the couch like me. But this time there was something a little different in how I viewed Pam in her undies. Instead of simply appreciating her on a strictly stimulative level I found myself wondering how hard she must have to work to keep looking that way. Pam’s not old either – just 44 – but using Hollywood’s math when it comes to women that’s about the same as being dead for eight years. Hours at the gym, skilled surgery, make-up and editors can obviously work wonders at keeping illusions of perfection alive.

Pamela Anderson, in my opinion anyway, has lived a pretty tough life. I’m not saying she wasn’t her own worst enemy at times (aren’t we all?) but I truly don’t envy her the frustrations she must be dealing with these days. In the image conscious, soul-sucking vacuum of “younger, newer, better” it’s damn hard to keep folks interested, especially when the product is you. And show business is not historically kind to females.

I guess it makes perfect sense for Secrets In Lace to sign her up as a pitch-woman. Pam comes with built-in sex-symbol credibility and attention. Guys and gals that liked her then still like her today. Plus I’d be willing to bet she’s more affordable to retain as a commodity than ever before.

They call the new line of skivvies the Pamela Couture Collection, 100% nylon stockings available in five styles designed to be worn with old-school garter-belts. Apparently they’re also quite affordable (the most expensive being $40) but I must confess it’s been awhile (never) since I purchased luxury hosiery. (really, I’m not lying...)

So as I think back on my unwillingness to give in and fully embrace the effects of aging, I find myself feeling even more sorry for Pammie. She’s got an image to maintain and bills to pay as she wages her own war against the ticking clock, and she’s got to fight this battle in front of millions. And when she finally gives in, we will all watch and judge. That’s pretty rough. When it’s my turn all I have to do is walk over to the bench and quietly sit down. And believe me, that’s hard enough as it is.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.