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The-Ad-Fool  

Moving on

Nov 7, 2012 / 5:00 am
I was going to write about the new Richard Simmons Telus spot. You must have seen it - it’s hilarious - , guy complains about annoying activation fees, and suggests they’re even worse than his new roommate. He then opens his apartment door only to see Richard Simmons in full dance party...

Bond, beverage Bond

Oct 31, 2012 / 5:00 am
The new James Bond movie is quickly coming up on us (at least here in North America) and I have to say, I’m pretty excited. The last few Bonds have, to me, been a lot more fun and true to-life-seeming (at least as true-to-life as any dashing secret agent with an actual license to kill can...

Devil with a blue apron on

Oct 24, 2012 / 5:00 am
Most folks assume they’ll know evil when they see it. I mean, who could think, for even a second, that Hitler was not pure, out-of-the-bottle, undiluted evil? Or how about a serial killer? Or some soulless bastard that kicks puppies? That’s not so hard, is it? Seeing that kind of evil...

Big wheels rolling

Oct 17, 2012 / 5:00 am
A buddy of mine (and his wife, natch) just had a baby the other day. And amid all the ooooing and ahhing that invariably accompanies such a joyous event I tried to warn him about one of the greatest purchasing mistakes that any first-time dad risks: getting a lame-ass stroller. Now I know this...

Human meat market

Oct 12, 2012 / 5:00 am
I’m not so much a horror guy. Sure, I’ve seen the odd slasher film or two (and to be fair, as gross as Saw was, it was pretty sharp too. (Get it? Sharp? Saw? Oh man, I am so totally lame....) Anyway, I’m just not that guy. Drippy, hanging gore and gross-out effects and all that...

Wearing blue velvet

Oct 3, 2012 / 9:00 am
I was young, maybe eleven or twelve, when I made my first true “fashion decision.” And by fashion decision I mean that I decided one piece of clothing was better for my “image” than some other one was. Now experiencing this was no small thing. Prior to such an epiphany I...

Apple iMock

Sep 26, 2012 / 5:00 am
When it comes to effective methods of intellectual assault, some well-placed mockery can be unbelievably brutal. Most of us have little trouble finding ways to counter such familiar indignities as general insults (I know you are but what am I?), physical abuse (Hello, 911?) and any other...
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Crapper worship

Sep 19, 2012 / 5:00 am
Mrs. AdFool and I are in the process of renovating. Nothing huge mind you – just updated floors, paint, trim, (some) furniture, curtains, wall-hangings, kitchen, bathroom, exterior paint, lights......uh, well. Okay, we’re not actually moving the house to the right or anything like that...

Harold & Kumar go to White...House?

Sep 12, 2012 / 5:00 am
Anyone who reads most of what I write can tell how much I enjoy the flotsam that is pop culture. And leaving aside the fact that I’ve been saturated in it for most of my life, even the grumpiest stiff would have to admit that pop culture is way more fun to discuss than say, the digestive...

When I die

Sep 5, 2012 / 5:00 am
There is no easy way to say this: I’m going to die. Yes, I - me, the AdFool guy - am absolutely, positively going to die. But then again, so will you. It’s about the only thing all of us truly have in common. Each of us is going to kick it eventually. And, obviously, many businesses...

Finding greatness

Aug 29, 2012 / 5:00 am
My bizarre attraction to advertising has always been rooted in a larger search for objective truth. Ask any good salesman: to really sell something, you need a solid truth to build on. Sure, ads and promotions quickly become comedies of hyperbole and wild exaggeration, but when you boil even the...

Hooters for thee but not for me...

Aug 22, 2012 / 5:00 am
At my current stage in life, Hooters (the restaurant – not the, ahem...female appendages) presents an interesting dilemma. I’d be lying through my teeth if I said I didn’t like the idea of jumping up and going out to a restaurant known internationally for attractive and friendly...

Rona Runner

Aug 15, 2012 / 5:00 am
Okay, here’s the thing: I hate shopping at Rona. My reasons may be shallow but they are specific. Every single time I go there the aisles appear junky and crammed, not to mention tall, dark and narrow. The shelves (in way too many spots) almost always look like they’ve been picked clean...

Beware the bimmer, Daniel-san

Aug 8, 2012 / 5:00 am
Before we go any further you have to understand where exactly it is that I’m coming from. My pop cultural touchstones are all planted deep in the eighties. Sure, I’ve glommed onto other things pre and post (hello pet rocks, Mambo #5 & planking) but my all-consuming formative years...

Something from nothing

Aug 1, 2012 / 5:00 am
Ever hear of LMFAO? If you have kids, or happen to frequent the bars these days in an attempt to reclaim your youth (it’s out there, you can find it) you are hip enough to know that the acronym so much more than it appears. First off, in internet slang LMFAO means “laughing my f#%*ng...

Fame monster?

Jul 25, 2012 / 5:00 am
You would think we’d all wise up. Sales methods and pitches – even when they seem cutting edge and new – never actually change from year to year. Heck, they don’t even really change from generation to generation. We still use doctors to sell meds and dentists to shill...

Mantherapy

Jul 18, 2012 / 6:00 am
News flash! Men and women are different, which means when it comes to some problems, men need different kinds of help and solutions than most women do. What’s that you say? Men have it all? The whole world is already oriented toward men so what am I complaining about? Yes, yes I know –...

Old gray baby

Jul 11, 2012 / 5:00 am
Okay, I admit it. I’ve come really close a couple of times. My ego got the better of me and I nearly gave in but at the very last second I hesitated. Could my inability to accept the status quo signal some disturbingly deep-seated insecurity? I stopped myself cold. What is the heinous event...

What’s the flavor, Kenneth?

Jul 4, 2012 / 5:00 am
So what’s the deal with flavors these days? Things have changed over the years as flavors have become more, shall we say, plentiful and even creative. Even something as innocuous as those perennial goldfish crackers now come in nearly a dozen different flavors (cheddar, pizza, ranch,...

The old man & the skateboard

Jun 27, 2012 / 5:00 am
Nostalgia can be pretty potent stuff when it’s deployed in service of a consumer product. Few things can rival the glossed perfection of a fond memory, which means that any ad successfully tagging the good times that once rolled onto any present day product is likely to do pretty well....

The McDonald’s quantum

Jun 20, 2012 / 5:00 am
In physics, a quantum is the minimum amount of any physical entity involved in an interaction. Now, far be from me to act like the meaning of that statement is either self-evident or even slightly easy to grasp because my personal understanding of physics could fit quite neatly inscribed on the...

The soda suckup

Jun 13, 2012 / 5:00 am
Paddy Spence is a putz. Is that harsh? A little over the top perhaps? I am being rather coarse, of course. The word putz is Yiddish for penis after all. Still, it has also been described as meaning someone who is stupid or ignorant; who doesn't pay attention to anything going on, or just...

But do you approve?

Jun 6, 2012 / 5:00 am
How often do we pat ourselves on the back for the more progressive notions and attitudes we hold? You know what I mean. Some senior citizen pops off about “those kids today” or “all that new fangled technology” and we roll our eyes and sigh, trying so very hard to understand...

Man vs. emotion

May 30, 2012 / 5:00 am
They’re only pants. It’s just a bunch of fabric sewn together to cover off somebody’s legs, butt and crotch in one easy garment – aka pants. It’s no wonder Dockers has to shoot a little higher when it comes to creating the necessary desire to purchase them. How do...

Trust you?

May 23, 2012 / 5:00 am
So who do you trust? Your friends? Family? Some deeply baritoned news anchor? Maybe that friendly kid at the gas station with the disconcertingly large goiter bulging on his neck? It’s a big question really. Daily, we’re called upon to make snap decisions about many different questions...

The smell of anarchy?

May 16, 2012 / 5:00 am
Ahh, yes the intoxicating romance of revolution. Surely you know of the feeling. The shouts of the rushing crowds, the roar of the cannons, bombs and destruction galore as dictatorships finally crumble and fall, allowing hope to emerge once more from peoples long denied its healthy embrace. The...

Not racist, just stupid

May 9, 2012 / 5:00 am
I was an actor once. Not famous (obviously) or even that particularly good but I was indeed a bona fide, union card-carrying actor. In fact, you may remember me from such stellar films as Inferno der Flammen, a direct-to-video German feature where I portrayed a non-essential helicopter pilot with a...

Leechvertising

May 2, 2012 / 5:00 am
Do you know Ashley Madison? How about Noel Biderman? Not ringing any bells? Okay, I’ll give you a hint: they’re kind of the same person. You see Noel Biderman is the dude that went and founded a website to help folks cheat on their spouses. He named this “service”...

Cookies & boobs: people love them

Apr 25, 2012 / 5:00 am
The male fascination with breasts is fairly understandable, at least to my mind. When it comes to guys, the triumvirate of awesome almost always includes food, sex and sports. And the female breast is just about the most perfect example ever of something that covers off all three baseline desires....

Zoom-zoom? More like doom-doom...

Apr 18, 2012 / 5:00 am
Pity poor Mazda. It’s been a long time since they set the world on fire with such cutting-edge vehicular cool as the RX-7, or even their chirpy cute little ragtop Miata. These days Mazda looks more like a tired senior that can’t even be bothered to brand his North American auto fleet...

Being evil

Apr 11, 2012 / 5:00 am
“Don’t be evil” – that’s the informal corporate motto famously adopted by Google as a way to supposedly self-check their expected dominance in the technological universe. Steve Jobs derided the motto as something along the lines of BS, but to be fair, he was pretty...

Jon Bon Jovi presents....Advil

Apr 4, 2012 / 5:00 am
I used to know about things. At least, I thought I knew about things. If you’d have come across me in the eighties I could have spent many hours educating you on the Way. Things. Were. I mean it. I could have held court on stuff like style (neon duds, off-the shoulder shirts for girls, and...

Tights in a teapot

Mar 28, 2012 / 5:00 am
Who or what is the next big thing? It’s a good question really, because if you actually know the answer (and on a consistent basis) you could become a very wealthy individual indeed. In most cases though, the rest of us are left to guessing. And you can’t make a living on guesses,...

Real kings

Mar 21, 2012 / 5:00 am
I just signed myself up for a subscription to Vanity Fair magazine. Well, um, I only just got my first issue of Vanity Fair. I actually signed up for the subscription during what feels like the Bush administration when you figure how long it’s literally taken to start receiving something as...

Bransonland

Mar 14, 2012 / 5:00 am
Okay, can there be a cooler billionaire in the world than Richard Branson? Can there? It’s crystal clear that good old Uncle Warren (Buffet) has gone senile. First he’s complaining that he doesn’t pay enough in tax and now he’s “forgetting” to pay it at all,...

The little amazing show

Mar 7, 2012 / 5:00 am
It’s the big events that usually get all the attention. That long planned trip to Disneyland, maybe a Neil Diamond concert (talk about velvet tones in tight pants.....) or even a naked yoga session with Kim Kardashian. We all tend to gauge or plot our life by these “happenings,”...

Being cosmopolitan

Feb 29, 2012 / 5:00 am
If the notion of being cosmopolitan could be epitomized by an individual you’d be hard pressed to find a better candidate than the late Farrokh Bulsara. Now you might know Farrokh better by the band he helped found, Queen. Farrokh personified the very essence of being free of local,...

Women as sex toys

Feb 22, 2012 / 5:00 am
I love toys. In fact, even as a fully grown adult male, I find that I enjoy time spent inside a Toys'R'Us just as much as I enjoy being inside a pub or bar. More even. For whatever reason, when it comes to my pleasure centres, age has not dimmed the appeal of Hot Wheels, Lego, train sets,...

More Superbowl ads: Part 2

Feb 15, 2012 / 5:00 am
So here we are, a solid week past and the story, at least ad-wise, is still the Clint Eastwood spot. Kind of amazing when even something as simple as a Knute Rockne-type rah-rah speech can be parsed and dissembled the way this one has. Word is Clint even donated his fee from the spot. Well good on...

SuperBowl Ads 2012: Part I

Feb 8, 2012 / 5:00 am
Well the big game is now done and gone, the prizes have been awarded (BTW, sweet ride Mr. Manning) and poor Tim Brady must be forced to contemplate his fate whilst staring at the reflection of his supermodel wife in one of the three rather gargantuan Super Bowl rings he already has. Hey, it’s...
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About the Author

My qualifications? Who am I to critique commercial advertisement? I have no degree in marketing. I don't work for an ad agency. I'm not an advertising professional. I am barely qualified to judge an Oreo stacking contest. Who do I think I am?

I am a target and I have been shot at by advertisers every single day of my entire life. Sales pitches are a part of living, and as a raging consumer taught to accumulate stuff and needing only a semi-good reason to do so means I'm more than qualified.

When Heinz introduced colored ketchups I bought purple and green. When Coke added vanilla I got a case. Crest puts whitening in the toothpaste and I'm brushing my teeth. Create a new package and I jump up and down. I can't help it. I'm an AdFool.

Jarrod Thalheimer is a freelance writer living in Kelowna who spends far too much time watching television and movies. He can be reached at [email protected]

Visit Jarrod's website at www.adfool.com

 

 



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The views expressed are strictly those of the author and not necessarily those of Castanet. Castanet does not warrant the contents.




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