Everybody likes a good story. Whether it’s being told on your favourite soap or happening between the covers of some page-turning thriller a good story will always draw you in. Advertisers know this and do their level best to make their own products’ stories as interesting and compelling as possible. The problem comes in that most of us know full well how inherently self-serving the story being told actually is. Cynicism creeps in pretty fast and we tune them out tout suite. That’s why commercials are so short – they know they only have a few seconds before most folks get ticked off.

Still, when a story is good enough it can calm even the most impatient cynic among us and quietly burrow its way into that special spot deep inside our psyche where something basically useless magically transforms into an I-must-have-this-as-soon-as-possible thing. It also helps when the product in question happens to be shiny. I really love shiny things…….

Now, I’ve written on celebrity booze projects in the past. It does seem to be a badge of honor to have a spirit, wine or liquor of some kind in your name if you’re famous and of a certain vintage. I guess they’ve spent so much time drinking and hanging out in bars and nightclubs that the only thing cooler than owing the bar itself is having a few self-designed bottles on the shelf you can show off with. Usually, the whole enterprise is a gimmick at best as the celeb does little more than lend their name or image to someone else’s idea. They pose for pictures and license their name but do precious little by way of actual heavy lifting. Once in a while though their part in the for-profit enterprise is so bizarrely hilarious it merits at least a look.

Crystal Head Vodka is exactly what it sounds like. An all-new, quadruple distilled and triple filtered through Herkimer diamond crystals vodka cooked up in Newfoundland of all places and contained within a bottle that is a glass replica of a genuine crystal skull. Dan Aykroyd is the name pushing this item and in one fell swoop he manages to cover the entire range of spooky to creepy to bat-shit crazy within the measured course of one small web video. Truly, it is something to behold.

The premise of the entire project is the so-called magical mysteries that surround the metaphysical properties of the thirteen crystal skulls that apparently exist in various corners of our world. Of unknown origin, the ancient skulls gained recent fame thanks to Indiana Jones and Co. lame attempt at adventure (yes, I hated it and no, I did not want to). In Aykroyd’s online promo he goes on at great length about everything from spiritual dimensions to ghosts and the extraterrestrials that surround us. He even manages to mention ectoplasm if you can believe it, spouting off a gooey load of hokey mumbo jumbo so far-fetched and ludicrous that you cannot help but laugh your gluteus maximus off when he finally comes to the “logical” conclusion that vodka was the only thing they could have put inside their intensely spiritual “package.” While the spot confirms for me that having drinks of any kind at the Aykroyd house would be strange days indeed the absolute kicker to the whole business is the bottle. I mean, it’s a fricken crystal skull! How insane cool is that?

I’m not the toughest guy in the world. Heck, I had to go and lie down after I smacked myself in the eye with a broom handle as I swept the floor the other day (don’t ask) but what man wouldn’t want to pour shots for his buddies from a solid crystal skull? A bottle like this man’s up any bar (or dandy) it touches, instantly.

Go to www.crystalheadvodka.com and watch Danny boy’s video for yourself. Whether you buy what he’s selling or not it’s a hell of a great story. And if it’s true, well then all the better I guess. But at the end of the day the bottle is what rules the most and like so much about advertising it’s not so much what’s in the package but the hoopla surrounding it that really matters. That said, I wonder if I would offend the alien-ghost-spirits of the crystal skull by filling it up with root beer? Just asking…..

CONGRATULATIONS to Jolene Azama of Kelowna. She is the lucky winner of the AdFool Contest’s $50 gift card to Milestone’s Grill + Bar. We had entries from as far a field as Ontario so thanks to all who took the time.