233067
Step-Into-Your-Power

Responsibility

When you quit blaming others for your problems and/or stop trying to control their behaviour, you are demonstrating a new level of mastery in your life. You realize that you are responsible for your current circumstances and for your future and what others are doing or saying is not significant. Your choices are what matters. Who you choose to spend time with, the pastimes you participate in, the conversations you have with others, the work you do, how you interact with your family and friends – these attitudes and behaviours determine who you attract into your world and how the world interacts with you.

Becoming self-aware is a responsibility that pays great dividends. The way you like to perceive yourself and who you really are can be quite different. The process takes time and you must be gentle with yourself. It is like peeling the layers of an onion. You begin by looking at the person you present to the world. You may have two or three personas that you display, depending on who you are with. You may act differently at work than you do at home with your family or when you're with friends. By taking a close look at how you behave in each scenario and the character traits you reveal, you will be able to identify what is authentic and what is not. You may shed a few tears as the layers are removed, and that's a good thing.

For example, you may be a "people pleaser", always saying yes to requests for help, trying to smooth things over when arguments ensue, working longer hours than you should to make a boss happy. You may be doing things that you really don't want to do and feel resentful inside for always being the one to step in and "save" people – people who don't even seem to appreciate your efforts.

You may be a perfectionist – always striving to be the best at whatever you undertake – be it the way you dress, the cleanliness of your home or the intensity of your workouts – you set extremely high standards for yourself. Or you might define yourself as an avoider – doing anything possible to stay away from conflict, believing this is a helpful way to keep the peace.

Perhaps you are a victim, always telling people about your problems and how others are mistreating you, from the bank teller to your children. You seek attention and consolation by getting others to feel sorry for you and help rescue you from your latest dilemma. For a while it may work, but eventually most of your friends and family have abandoned you – and you start using this as an excuse for your problems as well. You are unsupported in this world. It's a never-ending circle which can only be broken by you.

People pleasing, playing the victim, avoiding, or pursuing some level of perfection, are a means to gain positive reinforcement from other people. You measure your self-worth by what others say and think of you. When someone tells you you're a "life-saver" for being so helpful all the time, or appreciates that you don't argue with their point of view, you are basing your value on other people's viewpoints and desires rather than determining your own. When you play the victim you feel others are caring for you by feeling sorry for you but you're not building healthy, caring and mutually beneficial relationships. Your exterior is built to gain the acceptance of others. You may not even know your own opinions or have developed your own ideas because you operate based on what others think.

"Character — the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life — is the source from which self-respect springs."

 - Joan Didion

It takes work to step away from what others want and allow yourself the space, freedom and love to be who you're meant to be. It means being responsible for every part of your life, rather than blaming others. This is why prayer and meditation are such powerful self-discovery and development tools. For example, go for a walk in nature, clear your mind of the chatter in your head. Open yourself to what the universe is saying and trust what you hear. Feel the magnificent energy that is available and let go of the old, repetitive messages your brain and ego want to feed you. Tell yourself a new story. Basing your future on the past prohibits you from moving forward.

Becoming responsible means owning all of your actions and thoughts and getting to know your heart. If something goes wrong it is not acceptable to point your finger at another and say you were just doing what they wanted, or were asked you to do. Saying "everybody else does it" is also not an acceptable justification for disrespectful, harmful or unkind words or actions. Think before you speak – or act – becomes a new mantra worth exploring.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.



More Step Into Your Power articles

232757
About the Author

Tommi Hanley has a degree in journalism from Ryerson University. She owns an event company in Kelowna, Shop the Valley Destination Management and is the former lead instructor of the Event Promotions & Management program at the Centre for Arts and Technology. She launched her affiliate events company, purepower events with Kathy Reid in 2013.

Visit the purepower website here: http://www.purepowerevents.com

Contact e-mail: [email protected]

 

 



227125
The views expressed are strictly those of the author and not necessarily those of Castanet. Castanet does not warrant the contents.

Previous Stories



231483