Children impacted by family violence

While children may be the direct victims of family violence, they are almost always indirect victims, traumatized by seeing their mother beaten, or by the horror of hearing her screams of pain or their father’s shouted threats. Children impacted by family violence have huddled in closets, wishing that they could protect their mother, and hoping that they can protect themselves. These are the children who arrive at the Kelowna Women’s Shelter with their mothers, anxious and fearful. In one case the children wanted to sleep with their shoes on because the last time they left, their father found them and they were forced to flee in terror, running barefoot through the darkness. Some children have taken on the role of comforter and protector, tenderly guiding their mother whose eyes are swollen shut from the last assault. Other children lash out in unreasoning anger, because that is what has been modeled for them. Without intervention, these children have a statistical likelihood of repeating the cycle of abuse and becoming the next generation of perpetrators of abuse or victims of violence.

STATS Canada’s 1993 national survey indicates that assault by an intimate partner affects 1 in 3 women during the course of her lifetime. Additionally, according to their 2006 statistics 40% of the time when a woman was assaulted by an intimate partner, children were either directly or indirectly witness to those assaults; assaults so severe that in half of those cases the woman feared for her life. (Measuring Violence Against Women: Statistical Trends 2006, STATS Canada.)

When they come to the Shelter, women and their children come to safety, to comfort, and to the chance of a different future. The transformations are amazing and inspiring. Children gain the freedom to laugh and play, knowing that they and their mother are safe. Children learn to share their feelings openly and that anger is a normal feeling that can be expressed without hurting others. Mothers, come to know that there is hope and through their own determination and thorough the support of others, they gain the confidence they need to move forward.

For the 242 women and 155 children who stayed at the Kelowna Women’s Shelter this past year, the Shelter provided most importantly, a safe, confidential setting in which they experienced respect and non-judgmental support. Beyond that: food, transportation, childcare, crisis intervention counseling, referrals to other community resources, advocacy, accompaniment to court or appointments, group and individual counseling, long-term support, follow-up visits, and outreach services are all available. These services are what make it possible for a woman to move beyond a life of violence and abuse to a future free of violence, and these are the services that offer children a future in which the generational cycle of abuse is broken. By providing intervention now, we offer prevention for the next generation.

April 2011 marks the 31^st anniversary of the day the Kelowna Women’s Shelter opened its doors to offer counselling, support and a safe residence for women and children whose lives have been impacted by family violence, abuse and significant crisis.  The Kelowna Women’s Shelter is a place of refuge for women who are not safe in their own homes, women who have been beaten, traumatized, threatened, and have fled in terror from a partner. Our staff and volunteers provide services to women and children in the area boundaried by Oyama to the North and Peachland to the South. For more information visit  http://www.kelownawomensshelter.ca/ or call 250-763-1040.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.