The bad news: I'm not sick anymore

I have a feeling I am no longer cool. It is not yet official, but I have been informed by not one, but two of my children that my street cred is almost maxed out.  Not sure if I can apply for additional credit, or what slippery slope I'd have to slide down to get it? Is street cred even a thing anymore?   

The sad reality is I'm not sure how long I have been out of the loop; or if there is still even a loop to be out of? 

I just found out that it's not even cool to say "cool" anymore. Apparently "sick" is the new cool.  Which is beyond confusing because being sick has never been something I have ever aspired to be.  In fact, at the first sign of illness I usually start downing Echinacea like my life depended on it.  Now I find out that I should have been embracing my "sickness" as though my reputation depended on it.  

It's not like I haven't tried to stay current.  

I listen to the latest jam (which I recently figured out is music and not a reference to a fruit preservative.) This has not been without sacrifice because listening to the repetitive nonsensical content that some popular artists spew onto the airwaves is tantamount to ear torture. Not to pick on anyone in particular but if losing my cool (aka sick) mom status means never having to hear Rhianna's "Umbrella" ever again....it would almost be worth it. What the "Ella Ella" is she going on about anyway?

I used to have the language down.   Sadly that too..."was so five minutes ago." Actual words have now been replaced by acronyms; LOL, IDK, and OMG and of course the most banal of them all.... the letter "k".

I have a sneaking suspicion the reason for this trend is the youth of today can no longer spell.  Of course that's just a working theory and when presented to a focus group of teenagers the idea did elicit some serious eye rolling.  The good news is that they weren't having a seizure just indicating a reticence to agree with my hypothesis.  

Keeping abreast of the all the fashion fads has also been a bit of strain.  I would dearly love to have a few minutes alone with the genius who came up with low rise jeans that showcased everything from tramp stamps to little Johnny's boxer briefs. If only there were things that I could un-see.  

The world is changing too fast, it's all about emoticons, snap chats and selfies. There is even something called the vine which I was super excited about until my daughter pointed out it had nothing to do with the production of wine.  I also don't see the point of posting mindless status updates on Facebook. Do we really need to know what people are feeling and doing every second of the day? I myself prefer a little mystery.

I guess the truth of it is that I don't want to be “sick” anymore.  It's exhausting and confusing. I'm okay letting it go. Not all of it of course, just the bits that grate on my nerves like white girls who sing along with gangster rap like it's their personal truth.  The fact is holding on to youth and youthful ideas are a bit like chasing a ghost.  It seems like it might be fun because you've heard about it on twitter but when push comes to shove it is just way too scary.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.