Call 911 - I'm busy being Zen!

The phone is ringing. I hate that. I’m sitting here trying to meditate … and this obnoxious trill invades my solace. How dare it? It’s like it knows exactly when to call. That exact moment when I have 3-4 minutes of free time to do whatever I please.

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It rings and rings, and at first I’m all like, “forget it they can just leave a message and I’ll call them back."  Then I feel guilty that it could be one of my friends trapped under something heavy and they have only one minute of battery life left in their phone and I am their only chance at survival. Then I think what a silly move that would be on their part because I have very poor upper body strength and the chances I could lift this object off of them would be next to zero. So their chance of survival is also next to zero.

Then I’d have to live with the guilt of not saving them because I couldn’t finish my P90x workouts.  One would think that living with that shame was punishment enough. But now I am eating my feelings of regret and loss which only exacerbate my inability to meet my fitness goals. This is all becoming too much to process. I really just wanted to focus my intention on being Zen, and then this happens.

It does beg the question as to why would they call me, anyway. I have a 10 digit phone number … 911 is like, three. This would make no sense at all. Shouldn't they call someone whose job it is to save them? I'm not a health professional; I can't even apply band aids successfully on the first try.  Also, isn't there some union of rescue workers that I would have to join, and dues I’d have to pay? Not to mention I would probably need to take a course to become certified in performing CPR or tracheotomies or whatever else this crisis might require of me. I don't think there would be enough time to get all this done.

The phone finally stops ringing. I don’t have caller ID because it’s the house phone and everyone who knows me at all just calls my cell. So it probably wasn’t a friend slowly succumbing to certain death while I played out that crazy rant in my head. I feel quite relieved actually. Like a real weight has been lifted off of me (ironic, I know). Anyway, I’m going to take the phone off the hook and go back to my meditation. I feel such inner peace when I connect with my spiritual side. It’s so important to quiet the mind for a while and just breathe.

Exhale.

Oh for the love of Christmas ... the doorbell's ringing.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.