I'd like to report a crime
Somebody call 911! I've been robbed of an hour of my life, and I want it back! Apparently, a thief slipped into my house last Saturday night while I slumbered and took it upon itself to steal my time. At first, I thought the batteries in my clock had been removed to power an Xbox remote. In our home, good batteries are almost as rare as unicorns and full jugs of milk. Upon closer inspection though, I noticed that the hands on the clock were still moving but did not reflect the same time as my other devices.
This was shaping up to be a real Scooby Doo mystery, and I was becoming increasing perplexed. I decided to turn on CNN and see what it said because everyone knows television doesn't lie. My mouth fell open in shock as the heinous truth was revealed to me. It was one hour later than it should have been. I often think I'm on borrowed time and for someone to just walk right into my life and help themselves to 60 whole minutes ....well suffice it to say it was a devastating blow.
This isn't the first time he's attacked, and apparently I am not his only victim. I find this act of treachery unconscionable. Time is precious to humans. We never have enough hours in a day as it is and to have one arbitrarily cease to exist is completely unacceptable.
There is no telling what I could have done with that hour, what I could have accomplished. I might have solved the mysteries of the universe or at the very least figured out the Caramilk secret. It was definitely the hour I planned to go to the gym, and now I've lost the momentum. Thanks to him I will be shame spiraling at the beach all summer.
I've been running late all week thanks to this criminal. I could have received a speeding ticket trying to make up for lost time. And try explaining that to a police officer, I dare you.
"I'm sorry officer. I left my house at 2 AM and somehow a mere 60 seconds later it was 3 AM. Is this a radar trap or a worm hole through time?"
At best you’re going to receive a sobriety test and at worst be held on 72-hour psyche evaluation. This thief could potentially have you serving time for a crime that he himself committed. Diabolical that's what he is...
The sad reality is we know who he is and when he strikes, but the authorities are powerless to stop him. He goes by the name Daylight Savings Time, and his crimes go back almost a hundred years.
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