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Old as dirt. Twice as gritty.

What the . . . where's the sun?
by Jo Slade - Story: 67608
Nov 24, 2011 / 5:00 am

Winter does not officially arrive until December, but by November most years, something suspiciously resembling winter has usually shown itself, at which point people will say things like, “Oh look at the light dusting of snow, I reckon winter has arrived.” The early signs of winter are typically benign, it just seems like a Happy Guest has stopped by for a visit, and you might even smile about it. “Hey there winter! How the heck you been? We’ve been waiting for you to arrive. Settle in, why don’t you, then let’s go skiing.”
 
I’d say this winter is more the ‘other’ kind of guest, the Guest From Hell kind of guest. It didn’t arrive sprinkling bits of fairy-dust snow, no. It stormed in with buckets of the stuff, and took no prisoners. After dumping a whack of snow, it stormed out again then stormed back in to dump even more snow, then more, and it has been growling ever since. It has apparently decided that the Coquihalla is something best buried, and has been working on that goal to the point where the highway seems to be closed more often than open. Possibly it wants all roads in and out of the Okanagan to be closed so that it can get down to the business of burying the entire region. Oh yes, I’d say winter is in a really really bad mood. And it’s still November. It’s just warming up (well, technically, it’s just cooling off). 
 
There’s really not much you can do with this kind of winter except endure it. Sure, you try to be polite, you clean up after it, and say nice things to it, at least at first. “Love the brisk invigorating air! Winter, I LOVE YOU!”, but eventually, if you’re rich, you’re going to fly somewhere warm (cowardly weasel that you are), leaving winter and the-rest-of-us to fend for ourselves. And the rest-of-us will pull out our sourest (and probably frozen) grapes with half-baked comments like, “Fly somewhere warm? Pffft, I’d much rather stay here and go skiing than be somewhere stupid like Hawaii, surfing and getting a tan.” The rich would laugh at you for saying that, except they will be far too busy surfing and getting a tan. 
 
You might be wondering, ‘will the sun ever shine again?’ Probably not. This is the kind of winter that doesn’t ever want to leave, so it stays a long time. A very very very long time. And while here, it won’t play nice. 
 
Personally, I am not going to have anything to do with winter this year. I am going to make like a bear and hibernate. 
 
Hibernation thoughts on a winter’s morn
 
the boids they sing!
but no, they all flew south
the sun it shines!
rats no, it’s behind that cloud
snow covers grass
so it can’t even riz
hell
I’m going back
to bed
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About the Author

This bio was written by Jo Slade. As you can see she has written about herself in the third person. What normal person would do that? They just wouldn't. Who knows how many other persons might be involved in this thing, a second person? Another third? I worry about it. I - she - we - can't even keep it straight, this paragraph is a damn mess, there are persons all over the place. Round 'em up and shoot 'em. That's what I'd do, and by golly I think that's what Jo Slade would do as well.

Biographic nutshell: Jo has been messing around with words for a long time. Sometimes she'll just say words instead of writing them, it saves on paper.

This column: The columns that will appear here are of a highly serious and scholarly nature, therefore it is advised that you keep a dictionary and ponderous thoughts nearby.

If, after reading the column, you find yourself tossing and turning at night, burning with the need to email me, just do it. I answer to jo@castanet.net







The views expressed are strictly those of the author and not necessarily those of Castanet. Castanet presents its columns "as is" and does not warrant the contents.

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