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Old as dirt. Twice as gritty.

Winterized bicyclist
by Jo Slade - Story: 67320
Nov 17, 2011 / 5:00 am

 
Last year I was totally fired up to ride my bicycle throughout winter. “Why not?” I thought, feeling smug and obnoxiously self-righteous. I was pretty sure that only wussies stopped cycling because of a little bad weather, so I sneered at the idea of using the gym or buying a trainer. Winter riding was just a matter of getting the right gear to wear, and maybe adding some basic common sense items for the bike itself, and voila! Hello Winter Rider. Dear brave stoic heroic Winter Rider. I felt positively giddy about the whole thing.
 
I imagined the admiring oohs and aahs from wussy onlookers as I cycled past them in their wussy cars. “WHOA. Look at that brave and heroic bicycle rider, she’s actually riding in the SNOW And SLEET. And HAIL!” they’d be saying to one another. Of course the reality was more like, “Hey look at the idiot on the bicycle! HA HA HA HA HA!” but in my star-struck imagination, I saw only good roads ahead, with fawning admirers cheering me on. 
 
In preparation, the bike was soon decked out with additional red strobes for better visibility, and a nice new white headlight for riding at night. I winterized myself as well, with wool everything, even socks. They can say what they want about the new ‘technical’ fabrics, but nothing - nothing - beats wool for keeping you warm without keeping you too warm. Even the socks are wool, with little daisy-wheeled bicycles on the ankle. I also bought some thermal toe caps that go over the shoes to keep the tootsies warm (we bicyclists call our toes ‘tootsies’, but only when nobody is listening). Toe caps are ugly, there is no possible way to make them look good, but it’s okay, because we bicyclists are oblivious to such fashion concerns, to which anybody who has seen a cyclist in skin-tight neon lime-green lycra shorts can attest.
 
As for those good roads ahead, well, they WERE good, at least throughout fall and a good chunk of winter. Then they weren’t so good anymore. The rides were still doable, though, fuelled as they were by my overwhelming sense of heroism and superiority. Besides, riding on really bad days makes for amazingly great show-offy status updates on Facebook.
 
Then the double-nasty weather set in, and my fingers were too frozen at the end of rides to type the updates anymore, and that’s when the bicycle trainer idea came to mind. With a trainer, I could ride in the frigid wind, snow, sleet and hail and be inside the whole time, with the window open. And if I worded my status updates just so, nobody would be the wiser: “Phew, an exhausting bike ride! It’s -30 out there, impossible to ride on such icy roads. Survived to ride another day, though.” You will note that there’s no actual lie in there. 
 
Unfortunately, I hated the trainer, it felt like cheating (probably because it was), and so back it went. After the hell and guilt of that experience, I was feeling pretty happy to be outside again. So happy that I would gleefully shout at people , “OUTSIDE! It’s the only place to be!” I would have kept with that mantra had ‘outside’ not turned on me with some double-extra-bad-you-must-be-kidding weather. 
 
Still, it really is great to ride in the bitter cold. It’s inspiring and courageous, and builds character. It is worth the frostbite, the chills, the frozen fingers too cold to type status updates. It’s worth everything, because you’re really accomplishing something by going up against Mother Nature at her worst. It’s totally worth it, until you discover one day that there’s something even better: staying inside and watching a movie while sipping a London Fog. By spring I had morphed from the kind of cyclist who heads out in a serious rainstorm for a ride to the kind of cyclist who checks the weather forecast, sees that it is calling for a 30% chance of showers that day, so cancels all rides for the entire week, just in case.
 

Apparently we’re in for an extra-harsh winter this year, and if that’s the case I have a real chance to redeem my sorry self, to show my true-grit moxie. And I was giving it some serious thought until I found out that my nephew Kevin, who lives in Seattle, is cycling to and from work every day, regardless of the weather. Since there’s really only room for one completely insane person doing completely insane things in any given family, he is now ‘it’. Yes, the torch has most assuredly been passed, and now my job is limited to thinking proud thoughts of that courageous lad as I sip my London Fog while cycling in my office with my new trainer.

Yes, it’s true, I bought another trainer, it’s all set up using my old Rocky Mountain bike as the dedicated ‘inside’ bike (she is thrilled being called back into service). This trainer’s not going back. And after I’ve had my ride? It’ll be time to update my Facebook status: “Whoa, so freezing cold out there today! Cycling was a killer, but hey, it takes more than that to deter Winter Rider.”

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About the Author

This bio was written by Jo Slade. As you can see she has written about herself in the third person. What normal person would do that? They just wouldn't. Who knows how many other persons might be involved in this thing, a second person? Another third? I worry about it. I - she - we - can't even keep it straight, this paragraph is a damn mess, there are persons all over the place. Round 'em up and shoot 'em. That's what I'd do, and by golly I think that's what Jo Slade would do as well.

Biographic nutshell: Jo has been messing around with words for a long time. Sometimes she'll just say words instead of writing them, it saves on paper.

This column: The columns that will appear here are of a highly serious and scholarly nature, therefore it is advised that you keep a dictionary and ponderous thoughts nearby.

If, after reading the column, you find yourself tossing and turning at night, burning with the need to email me, just do it. I answer to jo@castanet.net







The views expressed are strictly those of the author and not necessarily those of Castanet. Castanet presents its columns "as is" and does not warrant the contents.

Previous Stories

New feature For more stories from Jo, please visit the Old as Dirt. Twice as Gritty. archive


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