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Old as dirt. Twice as gritty.

On a quest

Welcome to The Jo Slade Christmas Romp O’ Good Will, Eggnog and Other Stuff Too Merry For Words column. 

 
Since my curmudgeon-esque Christmas column two weeks ago, I have felt driven to find the upside to Christmas. You know, the things that make curmudgeons feel all warm and fuzzy inside. In other words, jolly stuff. Ho ho ho stuff.
 
This could take awhile.
 
Hang on. . . .
 
Okay, here we go. Walk with me:
 
First up, there’s the light thing. Christmas requires that people buy bunches of lights to stick all over the outside of their house as a way to annoy the neighbours who they secretly hate for not returning the power tool loaned to them three years ago. And what says Christmas lights better than a full-out Griswaldian battle for supremacy?
 
Christmas also demands a tree. Here’s a bunch of them
 
This is my tree this year:
 
 
Now we need a bit of sentimentality blended skillfully into a top 10 list. Why not? It’s Christmas. The list is good, especially #2.
 
Cue in the music. Fa la la la, here’s a Christmas song that could break you financially, just follow its directions. And really, what could be more seasonally appropriate than a Christmas song AND going broke?
 
Now that you’re broke and feeling sentimental about #2 in the previous Top Ten item, here’s Jim’s secret eggnog recipe that has wow’d many a guest in our home. It is so shockingly rich and flat-out good that you will instantly feel happy because a) it’s Christmas, b) everything in life is the mostest awesomeness, and c) your now-clogged arteries have somehow survived the three cups or so of the eggnog currently slogging its way through your system.
 
Okay, here you are: broke, sentimental and reeling from too much of Jim’s eggnog. Don’t sweat it, just sit back and listen to a favourite Christmas song, with Julie Andrews hitting notes that are technically impossible to hit. But she does anyway.
 
 
And now, here is Canada’s pianist John Arpin playing the happiest version of Jingle Bells in existence. Truth. 
 
 
Last but not least, I have to tell you that Katie, my office mannequin, did dress for the season after all. We had words about it, but my grandson took her side and once that happens there’s no hope for me winning. Ever.
 
 
And on that note, there’s not much more to do here other than wish you . . .
 
Happy Christmas! 
Merry Holidays! 
Cheerful Seasons! 
Tinsel’d Greetings! 
And to all, a good or at least fairly reasonable night and all the rest of it.  
 
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About the Author

This bio was written by Jo Slade. As you can see she has written about herself in the third person. What normal person would do that? They just wouldn't. Who knows how many other persons might be involved in this thing, a second person? Another third? I worry about it. I - she - we - can't even keep it straight, this paragraph is a damn mess, there are persons all over the place. Round 'em up and shoot 'em. That's what I'd do, and by golly I think that's what Jo Slade would do as well.

Biographic nutshell: Jo has been messing around with words for a long time. Sometimes she'll just say words instead of writing them, it saves on paper.

This column: The columns that will appear here are of a highly serious and scholarly nature, therefore it is advised that you keep a dictionary and ponderous thoughts nearby.

If, after reading the column, you find yourself tossing and turning at night, burning with the need to email me, just do it. I answer to [email protected]







The views expressed are strictly those of the author and not necessarily those of Castanet. Castanet presents its columns "as is" and does not warrant the contents.

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