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Old as dirt. Twice as gritty.

Shop-nots

Aug 11, 2014 / 6:00 am

There was a time many years ago when I was willing to go shopping. ‘Willing’ meant I’d go if nothing could stop it from happening, and the willingness came dressed in whines, “Okay, okay, I’ll go, maybe, sure, I guess so, as long as we stop for coffee and goodies every...

I'm sick

Jul 28, 2014 / 5:00 am

The other day I took a life-changing test on facebook. Oh come on, stop dissing facebook tests, how else would I know what kind of appliance I am (blender) or what kind of car I am (Volvo station wagon)? At any rate, this particular test was ‘Guess Who I Am’, and it...

Baby, you're so hot

Jul 10, 2014 / 5:00 am

There shouldn’t be a need to write this particular column, yet for some insane reason there is, because no matter how many times the message is put out there, people are still leaving their babies and dogs in enclosed cars on hot days. The disturbing part is that despite the intense...

The day I shamed B.C.

Jun 30, 2014 / 5:00 am

I have a confession to make. Several years ago, my daughter and I were on a summer road trip traveling across the Canadian prairies. In Saskatchewan we had to take a detour because of road construction, and we managed - don’t laugh - to get lost. Yes, in Saskatchewan. We were on a...

Run-on, little sentence, run on

Jun 16, 2014 / 5:00 am

I have recently rediscovered my fondness for the run-on sentence, it is something that I’ve neglected for many years now, years that were, truth be told, in rather dire need of the occasional run-on sentence, a situation forcing me think how very odd that I, personally, have neglected...

Fanatic dog owners

Jun 2, 2014 / 5:00 am

The Fanatic Dog Owner, a subspecies of Pet Owner, is a growing branch of pet ownership that is daily reaching new levels of of frenzied emotions, enabled by kinship with fellow Fanatic Dog Owners, and fueled by online social media. To be clear, I am not referring to the standard and...

No complaints please

May 19, 2014 / 5:00 am

Someone on Facebook posted a challenge the other day, for people to go 24 hours without complaining. I thought, well, that’s a piece of cake. Easy as drinking water. Easy-peasy lemon-squeezy. And other than the fact that I was wrong, it did sound like a walk in...
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It's Sunny inside

May 5, 2014 / 5:00 am

First up: As you can see, I have returned like the proverbial bad penny. For those who wondered where in hell I was, all I can say: alien abduction. For those who didn’t actually notice me gone, all I can say is: Pfffft. Never mind, though, this column is about the Sunny...

Where are the clowns?

Feb 24, 2014 / 5:00 am

In a shocking disclosure, news that clowns have been put on the endangered species list has triggered panic in the once-thriving clown industry. http://newsfeed.time.com/2014/02/18/nation-facing-dangerous-clown-shortage-trade-groups-warns/ But are the clowns hiding or have...

GoPro Jo

Feb 10, 2014 / 5:00 am

I was given a GoPro Hero 3+ Black for my birthday this year. A GoPro is not a regular camera, it is an action camera for adventure-seekers: bungee jumpers, hardcore skiers, rock climbers, extreme cyclists, scuba-divers, and sundry other kindred spirits. And so, I set it up, charged it and...

The crazy one

Jan 27, 2014 / 5:00 am

My column this week is an ode to my Andrew, my grandson, my kindred spirit. He is a boy who just turned eight last week. Eight! Since the day he was born, Andrew has been a non-stop source of joy, frustration, and every other emotion imaginable for the hapless band of innocents...

Needles abound

Jan 13, 2014 / 5:00 am

It happens every year, typically starting in late fall. You’re reading the news and suddenly there it is, the annual ‘Uh-oh, it’s flu season’ news item. It is as sure to appear each year as the sun is to rise in the morning, as the robin is to eat the worm, as Christmas...

Week after Christmas

Dec 30, 2013 / 5:00 am

'Twas the week after Christmas, and all through the cabin, Each creature was tired, and all of them crabbin’. The stockings lay savaged on the ground at my feet, Everything gone, down to the last treat. The grandson wasn’t sleeping all snug in his bed, He...

On a quest

Dec 16, 2013 / 5:00 am

Welcome to The Jo Slade Christmas Romp O’ Good Will, Eggnog and Other Stuff Too Merry For Words column. Since my curmudgeon-esque Christmas column two weeks ago, I have felt driven to find the upside to Christmas. You know, the things that make curmudgeons feel all warm and fuzzy...

Christmas curmudgeon

Dec 2, 2013 / 5:00 am

Ho. Ho. Ho. It’s December. My quest at this time of year is to find ways to maintain my elusive delicate-like-a-flower ‘Christmas Spirit’. My dilapidated Christmas Spirit is so fragile, so delicate, that a mere puff of Christmas boosterism and...

Asylum for me

Nov 18, 2013 / 5:00 am

For over a year, Jim and I kept our television unplugged and unwatched. Not one movie or TV show played before our delicate eyeballs. Upon our return to the world of movies, and return we surely did, one of the first things we stumbled upon was an Asylum film. The movie was called ‘100...

Oh no! Mercury's being bad

Nov 4, 2013 / 5:00 am

We live in perilous times, and never more so than now, with Mercury pulling a retrograde number on us. The retrograde Mercury gig, well-known among astrologists, started on October 21 and continues through November 10. The retrograde Mercury event is an occasionally occurring...

Winter is a meme

Oct 21, 2013 / 6:00 am

So, you’re looking out at the sunshine, and when you see the words ‘winter is a meme’, you’re thinking, “Umm, no . . . no thanks. I don’t want to know about winter. Go away.” Thing is, though, short of running off to Hawaii, winter is...

How to write a column

Oct 7, 2013 / 5:00 am

So, you’ve been thinking about writing a column. You’re muttering, “That Jo Slade, what a bunch of garbage she writes. Each lousy word is like a dagger through my heart. I need to write my own column in order to override her drivel that keeps looping through my addled...

The dog ate my column

Sep 23, 2013 / 5:00 am

Okay, so I had a 2000-word column ready to go today, OMG it was a beauty. Best work I’ve ever done, actually. It was a story of hope and beauty mixed with some sweetness and light, and filled with bits of humour, pathos, and sundry two-and-three syllable words. And then, just...
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About the Author

This bio was written by Jo Slade. As you can see she has written about herself in the third person. What normal person would do that? They just wouldn't. Who knows how many other persons might be involved in this thing, a second person? Another third? I worry about it. I - she - we - can't even keep it straight, this paragraph is a damn mess, there are persons all over the place. Round 'em up and shoot 'em. That's what I'd do, and by golly I think that's what Jo Slade would do as well.

Biographic nutshell: Jo has been messing around with words for a long time. Sometimes she'll just say words instead of writing them, it saves on paper.

This column: The columns that will appear here are of a highly serious and scholarly nature, therefore it is advised that you keep a dictionary and ponderous thoughts nearby.

If, after reading the column, you find yourself tossing and turning at night, burning with the need to email me, just do it. I answer to [email protected]




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The views expressed are strictly those of the author and not necessarily those of Castanet. Castanet presents its columns "as is" and does not warrant the contents.

New feature For more stories from Jo, please visit the Old as Dirt. Twice as Gritty. archive


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