“Hosni! Baby! It’s Phil calling!”

“Who?”

“It’s Phil! Phil Rubenstein! Your publicist!”

“Is that your last name? Really? Huh. Please speak quickly – the phone service here is terrible.”

“Listen, Hosni, we’ve gotta talk.”

“I’m a little busy right now, Phil. I’m trying to find someone named Al Jazeera and bring him to justice…”

“Exactly why I’m calling, Hos. I’m seeing a lot happening over there – anything I can help you with?”

“Well, as you know, I have replaced my president, cabinet, and the ticket taker at the King Tut Tomb and Waterpark, and nothing seems to be helping. The people still hate me for some reason.”

“Hos, baby, have you ever thought of retirement at all? Maybe hanging up the skates and taking a nice, long holiday?”

“I have too much to do to take a holiday! Besides – those police at the airport demand too much money. They are poachers I tell you! The corruption out at the airport drives me nuts!”

“Well, you see, Hosni, that’s part of the problem. That sort of thing has been going on for far too long and the people are getting tired of it. They want to see real change there.”

“Real change? What more could they want? Why, just yesterday I decreed half price admission to the pyramids every Wednesday and Saturday. Does anyone thank me? No.”

“Hosni, the problems are a little larger than just the pyramid admission price. Things are getting serious. Just the other day the Canadian government sent airplanes to pick up its citizens to get them out of there!”

“Which only proves the government of Canada does not take good care of its citizens!”

“What makes you say that?”

“They sent Air Canada airplanes! Haven’t those people suffered enough?”

“Good point. The bottom line, though, is I think you’ve got to go. You’re 82 years old, you’ve led a good life, and everyone really appreciates the fact you haven’t closed the Suez Canal or lobbed any bombs toward Israel for thirty years. But it’s time for a change, Hos.”

“Perhaps you are correct. I am feeling a little tired. And, what with my experience as a leader, perhaps I could do a little consulting in my retirement.”

“That’s a great idea, Hos! What do you have in mind? Maybe a lecture series on how your country has been in a state of emergency since the middle ages – something like that?”

“No. I have always liked North America. I think I’ll go help the United States with its health care system.”

“Errr, maybe get your feet wet up in Canada first, Hos. How does that sound?”

“Good idea. Yes! It is done! I go! I will miss my country, but I need a hip replaced anyway, and I hear the waiting lists in Canada are only eight years long, which is good. I thank you for calling, Phil.”

“Is your last name really Rubenstein? Amazing. All this time…”