Lindsay Lohan's got a same-sex crush

 

Get in line, Lindsay. There are many men young and old who wouldn’t mind finding themselves arm in arm with Hunger Games star Jennifer Lawrence. The girl is on fire.

I’m not outright suggesting Lohan’s got a girl crush, but when she made an odd Thelma and Louise-related Tweet the other night, you wouldn’t blame me for coming to that conclusion. The art of being mysterious was lost on Lindsay long ago, but this Twatement (statement made on Twitter) does bring about way more questions than answers: 

Jennifer Lawrence in "The Hunger Games" is genius. I want to do Thelma&Louise w/her but ala Natural Born Killers (style wise) 2 girls-2guys

Questions:

• Was J-Law (I wonder if this nickname will stick) really genius in Hunger Games? Even SHE couldn’t save that movie. I know many liked it, but I thought it was no better than the Twilight films. I’m not criticizing her acting ability, as she was excellent in The Beaver and Winter’s Bone.
• Is Thelma&Louise a new euphemism I’ve never heard about for some new bi-curious entanglement?
• Do we take this to literally mean that she wants to reboot the Thelma and Louise flick starring herself and J-Law?
• What does Oliver Stone think of his awesomely over-the-top film being brought up in a cryptic Lohan Tweet?
• 2 girls-2 guys? No need for euphemism here. But do we take it literally? Does Charlie Sheen know Lindsay just Tweeted out his current escort service order verbatim?
• Was Lindsay under the influence while Tweeting this, and was it before or after she got behind the wheel looking like THIS:

Photo: Contributed

Yeah. Lindsay actually got behind the wheel. I’m not sure what’s worse: her makeup or her blood alcohol level. Jokes aside, I think someone needs to implant a chip in Lindsay so that anytime she gets anywhere NEAR the wheel of a moving vehicle that ride won’t EVER turn over.

As for the makeup she’s rockin’ lately, I’m no expert, but I’m sure she probably doesn’t want to resemble the likes of Tammy Faye, Frank N. Furter, Divine, Bette Davis or Joan Crawford.

Where do we go with Lindsay Lohan from here? Girlfriend needs serious help and each time she comes up in Celebrity Soup nobody’s stepped up to the plate. I know she’s the one who ultimately has to decide she needs help, but I think we’re beyond that point, don’t you think?

Ending well this will not.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.