Rush Limbaugh thinks Batman is real

Photo: Contributed

Yesterday on his radio show, extreme right-winger (and I don’t mean like Teemu Selanne) Rush Limbaugh took to the airwaves and unleashed a rant unlike any other.

Okay, that’s a lie: many of Limbaugh’s rants are chock full of hyperbole, conspiracy theory, shock and pure unadulterated embellishment. Why should this one be any different?

Well, in this case good ol’ Rushsy seems convinced that everyone involved in the making of the upcoming Dark Knight Rises is behind Obama and is out to get Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney. You see, the evil villain in the current Batman flick is named Bane, as in Bain Capital – the name of the company Mitt Romney is downplaying his involvement with.

You can listen to the rant below, but I’ll save your ears the inevitable Q-tip vacuum job they’d have to endure after absorbing this blowhard’s voice:

“Have you heard, this new movie, the Batman movie — what is it, the Dark Knight Lights Up or something? Whatever the name of it is. That’s right, Dark Knight Rises, Lights Up, same thing. Do you know the name of the villain in this movie? Bane. The villain in the Dark Knight Rises is named Bane. B-A-N-E. What is the name of the venture capital firm that Romney ran, and around which there’s now this make-believe controversy? Bain. The movie has been in the works for a long time, the release date’s been known, summer 2012 for a long time. Do you think that it is accidental, that the name of the really vicious, fire-breathing, four-eyed, whatever-it-is villain in this movie is named Bane? … Anyway, so this evil villain in the new Batman movie is named Bane. And there’s now discussion out there as to whether or not this was purposeful, and whether or not it will influence voters. It’s going to have a lot of people. This movie, the audience is going to be huge, lot of people are going to see the movie. And it’s a lot of brain-dead people, entertainment, the pop culture crowd. And they’re going to hear ‘Bane’ in the movie, and they are going to associate Bain.”

I don’t even know where to begin with this. Is there even a point in dissecting this piece of outrageous bull crap? I’d love to give Limbaugh the benefit of the doubt (actually, I wouldn’t but it sounds better to lie) and say that he’s just exercising his right to be ironic, but he doesn’t strike me as that type of guy. All Rushsy had to do is Google “Batman Bane” and the VERY FIRST THING that comes up is a Wikipedia entry explaining that Bane first appeared in the Batman comic series in 1993. Yup, 1993.

Here’s a conspiracy theory for you: Democrat Bill Clinton enlists the aid of Doc Brown and Mary McFly from Back to the Future and travels to 2012, learns of the Mitt Romney Bain issue, and forces the DC Comics writers to name Batman’s new mortal enemy as Bane.

Scary thing is, Rush would probably have no trouble accepting that as fact. Listen for my theory in his next radio show.

Bane Bain, Tomato Tomahto, let’s call the whole thing off.

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.