I used to be a Madonna fan. There was a time, not that long ago, that I would have gladly shelled one or two Sir Robert Bordens (doesn’t quite have the same ring as a ‘Benjamin’, does it?) to see her in concert. Now? Not so much. Especially when, at any given time during her show, she is bound to whip out her nipple faster than a breastfeeding mom carrying a ravenous infant.

Photo: Contributed

Madonna's deliberate 'nip slip' in Paris this past weekend

The photo right, which I’ve doctored up for those who don’t care to see her real nipple, was taken from her concert this weekend in Paris. In addition to this intentional wardrobe malfunction, Madonna also flashed her buttocks as well as showed a video of extreme right leader Marine Le Pen with a swastika on her forehead. The video, which featured morphing facial images, showed Le Pen melting into a shot of a Hitler look-alike. The segment also contained imagery of other world leaders the singer presumably has problems with, such as Pope Benedict, Sarah Palin, Hu Jintao, and Hosni Mubarak.

Madonna is now being sued by Front National’s Le Pen for using her likeness in this manner.

I know this is Paris, and they’re nowhere near as uptight as North Americans with respect to nudity, but I’m sure even those Parisians in attendance would have preferred to experience a nipple-free show (at least one being given by Madonna). Don’t get me wrong: this isn’t a question of ageism. It’s just that Madonna looks way too creepy lately. Those arms, that skin… her body is almost alien-like.

Isn’t it sad that Madonna is resorting to these shock-like tactics to get attention? I’m sure she still puts on a good show, but the need to whip out various body parts at will just reeks of desperation. Even the brash and sassy old-school Madonna would have never done this.

Her eerie looks aside, it appears that Madonna is running out of ideas musically. One listen to her latest single, Turn Up The Radio, and you’ll see what I mean. Where comparable contemporary artists like Lady Gaga are trailblazing, Madonna is purely recycling sounds from her early repertoire. Doesn’t this sound like it could have easily been a throwaway track from her Like a Virgin recordings with modernized production values? If you’re old enough, close your eyes while listening and you’ll swear this was the mid 80’s!

Here’s how I envision this song coming about:

INT. CRYOGENIC CHAMBER IN A DARK BASEMENT

MADONNA is laying in her cryogenic crypt and has just woken up from a long slumber.

MADONNA: Servant! Come hither. Madonna requires your immediate assistance.

SERVANT: (Using her name begrudgingly): Yes, your Madgesty.

MADONNA: Do I detect a hint of sarcasm while using my name?

SERVANT: No, ma’am, not at all. What can I help you with? Did you sleep well?

MADONNA (In a faux British accent): Yes, I did indeed. I was wondering if you could find my Like a Virgin tapes. I’ve hit a creative wall, and need something. Anything. And while you're at it, get Martin Solveig or David Guetta on the line so I can will them into throwing a fresh bass line on those old tracks.

MADONNA removes herself from her crypt and emerges naked. SERVANT does his best to avert his eyes. Seeing Madonna naked now doesn’t hold the same distinction as it once did when he was a young lad.

SERVANT: Would this be before or after I fetch your latest boy toy from the dungeon?

MADONNA: Before!

SERVANT heads upstairs to her studio, fetches the tapes, and returns. MADONNA, now dressed in dominatrix garb, lunges forward to retrieve the tapes.

MADONNA: Thank you, dahhhhling. You may now resume polishing my studded brassiere for my next show.

Yeah, that’s how it came about.