Photo: Contributed - WENN

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, in happier times

You know that Fail Whale image you get when Twitter is over its capacity? The huge marine mammal is one of the most annoying aspects of the Twitter experience, unless you’re not counting the need to wade through the endless Tweets about (or from) Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.

Well, folks, I’m here to warn you of the possibility for one big Fail Whale to bellyflop its way into the Twitter seas.

It’s Memorial Day weekend in the States, so celebrity news is pretty sparse. Which is probably as good an explanation as any for why I’ve chosen Ashton Kutcher as my primary soup ingredient today. The other ingredient is Demi Moore, and the dish is called reunification bisque.

Radaronline is reporting that @aplusk and the former @mrskutcher (now @justdemi) were both attending the birthday party of the Rabbi who officiated their wedding, Rabbi Yehuda Berg.

The report states that at some time during the evening they shared an "emotional 60-second embrace".

Really? How credible are these sources? Couldn’t they see that it wasn’t so much of an embrace as it was Ashton trying to get a free dry hump and Demi searching his pockets?

Anyway, the highlight of the night appeared to be Ashton’s speech about his regrets over the last few years. While other guests were standing up to speak about how awesome the rabbi is, Ashton decides he’s going to turn this party into his own personal Yom Kippur service. 

“I’ve made all these horrendous mistakes in the last year,” Kutcher said.

A guest at the party was quoted as saying, “Ashton’s voice started to break as he spoke. He just fell into tears. He sat down to a round of applause while Demi just looked frozen.”

First of all, that’s just Demi’s face. It’s always that way. And which mistakes was he talking about? Getting caught screwing around on his sixth anniversary? Not being there for her when she overdosed? That racist Bollywood commercial? Two and a Half Men? He should have been more specific.

Apparently, they chatted for a while, and, “They are still desperately in love and could be on for a reconciliation,” a source told the Sunday Mirror about Demi and Ashton. “The divorce isn’t being processed right now.”

Everybody with me now: “Awwwww!”

And everyone lived happily every after. Will this story have one of those fairytale endings? Maybe for Ashton and Demi, but I don’t think the Twitterverse can handle it if these two reconciled. With over 16 million followers between them, the load on the Twitter servers may just be too much to bear.

Either way, I see many Fail Whales in their future, both literally and figuratively.