Whether it’s going to war, going to play racquetball or going to the photocopier we all have a tendency to favour our friends. We extend to these people the advantages of our help, whether it is our time, our support or access to resources. It all seems to go back to the sandbox and how we learned to play there. Maybe you remember your Mother calling through the kitchen window: “now Johnnie/Suzie play fair out there!”

When going to war in Afghanistan and Iraq President Bush leveraged his connections and friendships with leaders of other nations. Did we notice that not a lot joined him? Canada didn’t join the US by going to war and paid the price with trade barriers for a number of years. Only since Prime Minister Harper offered Bush Canada’s help in the war have trade barriers been removed.

President Bush said when recruiting allies for his war: “you are either with us, or against us.” This still sends a chill down my back. The reason it disturbed me is this has become a way of thinking which has permeated all our lives to one degree or another. Playing favourites whether on the international scene or in the workplace get us into trouble.

Take a look at the formal and informal relationships at work. Whether it is your current work environment or a previous one, take a look at how favouritism shows up. “You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours”, sound familiar?

Throughout our lives most of us have played favourites. When we form small cliquey groups or exclusive relationships we think we can accomplish more, get more, and become more. I wonder if this is the biggest lie we could be telling ourselves.

We’ve tended to exclude or marginalize others just because they don’t happen to think our way. What if we were open to discovering how this person sees the world by first moving from our “position” and the falsehood of needing to be right? Is it possible we could learn something? Is it possible that this person has knowledge and connections which can be of help too?

Why is it that we call upon a friend from several miles away to help us with a flat tire when the person coming towards us might be more than happy to lend a hand? Why is it that at work we go to the exact same people over and over for help and reciprocate with ours in return?

Many new friendships and experiences await us if only we get out of our comfort zone and try something different. How about that person in the office that you’ve always ignored or walked by? What makes this person any less deserving of your trust and respect? What does she know or who might she be connected to that could totally transform your life? By expanding our circle we expand our world.

Starting right now, become more aware of your patterns for playing favourites. Is this really serving you or holding you back from your own potential? So until next week, remember: “in only two days, tomorrow will be yesterday, lean into it!” As I offer insights, stories, tips and career information, please contact me to share your stories opinions and comments to Don Campbell.