Balsy's Beef  

What's that smell?

I have wondered through a mall or two in my 30 years on this planet, but in recent years it is a place I choose to avoid at all costs and for many reasons. 

First off, I thought the point of having all these stores in one place was convenience, not so the hallways could be used as a hangout for youth with nothing better to do with their time than hangout in a hallway where other people, who have responsibilities in their life, need to be productive and accomplish something in what little time off they get.  

Another reason I stay clear of most malls is that I don’t need a reminder that Christmas is just around the corner in AUGUST! 

As of late there is something that has kept me out of places over-populated with people, like a mall, that I don’t think should need to be addressed in 2012; however, here I go!

Why is it that if you are on the other end of the hallway and I am buried deep inside a store I can still smell your scent of choice?  What ever happened to a scent free zone like the one you have at work where you are not allowed to wear too much, if any, perfume or cologne due to the fact that some people may be allergic or irritated by your overpowering fragrance? 

Personally I don’t care if you want to wear a little perfume or cologne to smell nice while on a date or just hanging out in public but is it necessary that my nose has to sting and my eyes bleed so you can impress someone?  A squirt or two is likely enough for anyone; otherwise don’t you think that an $80 bottle would be just a little bit bigger than pocket size?  This is a classic example of less is more; if you really want someone to be drawn to your smell wouldn’t you wear a bit less and force them to get closer to you?  I personally love the smell of fresh popcorn, but I don’t feel the need to bathe in it before I head to the mall.  Let’s be honest, if the person/people you are out with are only hanging out with you because of your undeniable and quite frankly, hard to bare fragrance, then shouldn’t you find some new friends? 

I’m just asking you to please think of the other people around you when you pour half a bottle of perfume or cologne on your body.  We are aware that due to your sensory adaptation you can no longer smell it yourself so when you see person scrunching up their face in your vicinity and wafting their hand in front of their nose, please know they are not trying to escape from a fart; although, they may wish they were, depending how drenched in your chosen fragrance you are.

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About the Author

You got BEEF?  Balsy does! 

Rob Balsdon is a local stand-up comedian that has a beef with almost everything.

As a comedian Rob has shared the stage with some of the biggest names in Canadian comedy including “The Harley Guy” Herb Dixon, Gerry Dee (Mr. D) and Brent Butt (Corner Gas). Recently Rob was lucky enough to work with one of his idols when he opened for film star and SNL alumni Norm MacDonald!

Rob is here to rant about all the little things that get on his nerves.

Email your rants or ideas to [email protected]

The views expressed are strictly those of the author and not necessarily those of Castanet. Castanet does not warrant the contents.

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