Honing The Blade

While the city of Toronto co-celebrates the ousting of Fat Cat, ‘conflict of interest’ poster-boy Mayor Rob Ford and their victory in the 100th Grey Cup – which has Blue Jay and Leaf Fans drooling at the prospect of a city-wide curse being broken – this would be an apropos time for me to come clean… I didn’t watch the game. There are any number of reasons this could have happened – the knowledge that Justin Bieber was somehow involved and might be asked for his game pick (although this was clearly off-set by the Gordon Lightfoot card), the fact that most resident BCers clearly have distaste for both of the cities involved and I wanted to join the crowd or simply the two minutes it took to realize again that Johnny Reid is God-awful… Scottish-born country music artist… c’mon people, you do the math! As true as all of the above are, the reality is much simpler – I am a proud subscriber to NFL Ticket and this is Week 12, the bye weeks have come and gone and the coaching guillotine has been erected in the alcohol and BBQ- fed parking lots of several cities to our south. So, let’s allow T.O. residents to eat cake in peace and examine which blades have been honed the sharpest…

Photo: Contributed

San Diego is an incredible city and year in and year out it is voted as America’s best place to live. Norv Turner has enjoyed his time there, played a lot of golf, compiled an above average record of 53-38 and has kept his job every year by racking up wins in those harsh Southern California winter months of November and December. However, the casual surfer acceptance that deep playoff runs are way too stressful Dude has worn about as thin as the over-use of the word Dude in SoCal and Charger Fans are finally realizing that whilst it’s neat that their Head Coach is as laid back as a Mission Beach street minstrel, it might be time to find a rah-rah leader with an ability to helmet-slap some sense into this under-achieving squad. Since the Broncos scored 35 unanswered points in the 2nd half in a 35-24 Week 6 loss, they have only a win over the Chiefs to show for their efforts and as we will see later – that means next to nothing. The slumped shoulders and wave of disinterest surrounding his players suggests that the question is not ‘if’ for Turner but ‘when’ he gets beach-slapped.

Generally; “Those who can’t do, Coach.” Those who can’t Coach, should really stick to Coordinating and so it is in the case of Romeo Crennel in Kansas City. Crennel is another product of the Bill Belichick Coaching Mushroom which of course grew on the decaying branches of the Bill Parcels Coaching Tree but like the Charlie Weiss’s of the world, Romeo Crennel hasn’t flourished when openly exposed to sunlight. As a Defensive Coordinator he was an innovative schemer but as a HC in Cleveland and KC, he has often appeared unable to cohesively pull the pieces together and while he has been victimized in both cities with substandard talent at the QB position, watching the current version of the Chiefs makes you wish you’d just gone to the game for the tailgate ribs and scalped your ticket to a blind guy. Well, at least he’d be the one in-stadium guy who might not notice how bad Romeo Is Bleeding – sorry about the paraphrase Mr. Waits.

Photo: Contributed

I have consistently stated that I have no idea what lewd animal husbandry pictures Coach Rex Ryan has locked in a vault of Jets owner Woody Johnson but they must bear a striking resemblance to the ones QB Mark Sanchez has of Coach Ryan. Nothing else explains this on-going tabloid atrocity in New York as an already highly over-rated team continues to live down to most prognosticators expectations. While injuries to #1 CB Darrelle Revis and supposed #1 WR Santonio Holmes might excuse some early season misfires, a 4-7 record and the on-going “Tebow” chants have been enough to force even SuperFan Fireman Ed to retire his persona in favour of MetLife Stadium anonymity. Even the Rex Ryan press conferences have lost their luster since Coach stopped with the Super Bowl guarantees but yelling “F-I-R-E, fire, fire, fire,” in that crowded room might be met with more New York cheers than lawsuits.

Other than the Liberty Bell almost nothing is sacred in Philadelphia. Little girls have been booed singing the National Anthem and Santa Claus has been pelted with snowballs and once Alan Iverson almost had to practice but through it all, Andy Reid has remained a permanent fixture on the Eagles sideline since 1999. Since Vince Young mistakenly proclaimed this the NFL’s Dream Team last year, things have gone from bad to worse. The O-Line deserves the blame for both QB Michael Vick and RB LeSean McCoy being on the shelf but Reid has to shoulder the blame for consistently horrific play calling and a management of players and coaches that is eerily reminiscent of childhood games of Pin The Tail On The Donkey. While he may get a pass until season’s end due largely to the tragic mid-season passing of his son, Eagles Fans’ sympathies are finite and they will expect a much more organized and efficient playroom next year for a city that expects to contend on a consistent basis.

Oh sure, there are other seats around the League that have that winterized heated feeling. Detroit’s Jim Schwartz has to be wondering how his talented and extremely offensive Cadillac went off-track while Dallas Cowboys’ one-time wunderkind Jason Garrett knows that it is only a matter of time until Owner/GM Jerry Jones names himself Coach and possibly QB all at once, if for no other reason than he gets to see his head in true life-size more often on the Jumbotron. Keep an eye out, for some Coaches the rotund lady is warming up her vocal chords – which is thankfully still better than having to listen to Johnny Reid…

Until next time Kelowna… don’t save your smiles, they’re free you know…

This article is written by or on behalf of an outsourced columnist and does not necessarily reflect the views of Castanet.