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Celebrity Soup

Wanna hear the world's worst song?

Courtney Stodden releases world’s worst song

It’s time Celebrity Soup goes off on a different tangent today, this time with the spotlight on music. Not good music, mind you, because there’s so much of it out there and what appeals to you may not be pleasing to me.

But there’s one thing that almost everyone can agree on: bad music. When we hear something that’s so bad it should never have left the inner tune in the artist’s head, it’s usually a universally accepted level of bad. And today I have two examples for you.

First up is Courtney Stodden, the (supposed) child bride of 51-year-old ‘Lost’ star Doug Huthison. I’ve written about Stodden before, and I’m still shocked when someone here at the office tells me they just heard about her. It’s not like she’s all that popular or has any discernable talent, but when a 16-year-old marries a guy three times her age it makes a few headlines. Don’t worry if you have never heard of her – you’re not really missing anything (except for maybe photoshoots like these, where she gets kicked out of a pumpkin patch).

Our celebrity obsessed culture has become so out of control that we now exist in a reality where Lindsay Lohan has secured a Lifetime network role as Elizabeth Taylor, Octomom is being offered a big wad of cash to play with a big wad, and Kim Kardashian is considering life as a mayoral candidate. So it makes perfect sense then that we throw a music career for Courtney Stodden in there to add to the chaos.

“I’m really excited about the new song. I’m working with a couple of really sexy producers!” Stodden says, in a story from Radar Online. The article describes the song as follows:

The 17-year-old Teen Bride has released her newest song, which she says is all about lust!

Lust: who knows more about it than a 40-something woman pretending to be a kid married to a former ‘Lost’ star pretending to be a clever child predator? I mean really!

Okay, enough of this palaver. Let’s get to the music. Okay, it’s not so much music as it is a woman making eerie sounds to a very overdone club beat. And because I value your ears as much as your eyes, I'm also only including a 50-second clip of the "song" in case you don't need more torture.

Bonus #1! In case Courtney’s song wasn’t bad enough for you, I’ve got another great song for you to sing along to in your nightmares tonight. This one’s from the former lover of Lindsay Lohan – former DJ Samantha Ronson.

Not sure what Ronson is aiming for here, but I can assure you sounding good live isn’t it. Her new album, "Chasing the Reds" is out now, and she sang(?) one of the songs on LIVE! With Kelly this morning. I’m also not sure what Chasing the Reds means, and I don’t think I ever want to find out.

As for her singing, well, there’s a reason she decided to become a DJ first. How did she get booked on national television with this? I guess we go back to our celebrity-obsessed culture for that answer.

Bonus #2! I came across this today, and although it has absolutely nothing to do with music, it was pretty damn funny. I’d classify it as safe for work, but it’s probably not what I'd call kid friendly.

What do you get when three grannies watch the Kim Kardashian sex tape?

This, which includes some very frank sexual commentary.

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