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Old as dirt. Twice as gritty.

Thinnest ice
by Jo Slade - Story: 69558
Jan 12, 2012 / 5:00 am


Bored indoor cyclists have been asking me, “How the hell do you stay unbored while cycling indoors? Isn’t it the most boring thing in the world to do?”
 
“Why yes,” I tell them. “It is.”
 
There is absolutely nothing that makes an indoor bike ride remotely as enjoyable as an outdoor ride, however there are ways to temper the boredom. Some ways are better than others. One good way will be coming soon, once I get a head cam and film my regular outdoor rides so that I burn them to disc and re-ride the courses on the indoor bike. 
 
Another way, decidedly less good, happened just yesterday when I put on iTunes and set iPhoto to a slideshow of photos to give me something to look at and something to hear while riding. With the window wide open, I even had some fresh air for my fake-bike-ride. Ten minutes into the ride, iPhoto froze at a picture of the sulking dog. I secretly agreed with the computer, I would freeze at the sight of such misery as well. I often do. I reached over and slammed a few keys to unfreeze the computer, but it stayed frozen on the spot, seemingly willing to wait until the dog stopped sulking. It was not aware that the wait would be a long one, since the ‘undo’ button for dog-sulk with that dog is permanently broken. 
 
 
Cursing violently, I dismounted the bike to see what was happening. When everything else failed, I did the dreaded last-ditch I-really-hate-to-do-this step: the hard shut-down.
 
The computer was having none of it, though, and flat-out refused to shut down. Having had my bike ride - for what it was worth - so rudely interrupted, my next idea was to get a hammer and smash the computer into submission. However I wisely opted instead to unplug it from the UPS, which did kill it, ‘kill’ being a fairly accurate choice of words because what happened next was absolutely nothing. I plugged the cord back in, and pushed the power button. Nothing. I was staring at a completely dead that’s-all-she-wrote Mac. 
 
Have you ever noticed that when an electronic item won’t do what it is supposed to do, you keep hitting the same button over and over again, hoping it will reconsider? I must have pushed the power button a million times. Then I waited, and pushed it a million more times. Zip point dog doo.
 
The hammer started to look good again.
 
I looked up prices for a new computer, and the hammer idea quickly receded.
 
Sitting in front of a black computer screen is a fairly hopeless feeling. I tried to think of an upside to the situation, and came up with a minor one: I wouldn’t be able to get this week’s column done! I had the ultimate ironclad dog-ate-my-homework excuse! A small consolation prize, true, but you take what you can get in this world. 
 
It was hard to just sit staring at a dead box containing so much suddenly unaccessible stuff, so I crawled under the desk to inspect the UPS. Green light, check. Battery light, check. Still, I unplugged the computer cord from the slot and plugged it into a different slot, then hit the exhausted power button one more time. Voila!  C major chord, music to my ears (the chord is the start-up sound for a Mac). Everything was back to normal, no apparent harm done, and I smiled even though my column excuse had just flown right out the window. 
 
Best sound to hear.
 
 
 
So today the one single thing I really need to do is get a new UPS unit, but the problem is, it’s sunny outside, which means that I’m going for a bike ride instead. I’m typing these words as fast as I can so I can get out there before the sun unexpectedly disappears, which the sun is wont to do in winter. I am typing on thin ice, of course, and my bike ride will be haunted by visions of my computer alone with a corrupt UPS, but I’m going riding and that’s that. The UPS can wait. A sunny day in January is something not to scorn. It must be seized, and preferably on a bike.
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About the Author

This bio was written by Jo Slade. As you can see she has written about herself in the third person. What normal person would do that? They just wouldn't. Who knows how many other persons might be involved in this thing, a second person? Another third? I worry about it. I - she - we - can't even keep it straight, this paragraph is a damn mess, there are persons all over the place. Round 'em up and shoot 'em. That's what I'd do, and by golly I think that's what Jo Slade would do as well.

Biographic nutshell: Jo has been messing around with words for a long time. Sometimes she'll just say words instead of writing them, it saves on paper.

This column: The columns that will appear here are of a highly serious and scholarly nature, therefore it is advised that you keep a dictionary and ponderous thoughts nearby.

If, after reading the column, you find yourself tossing and turning at night, burning with the need to email me, just do it. I answer to jo@castanet.net




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The views expressed are strictly those of the author and not necessarily those of Castanet. Castanet presents its columns "as is" and does not warrant the contents.

Previous Stories

New feature For more stories from Jo, please visit the Old as Dirt. Twice as Gritty. archive


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