Most of us tend to vacillate between over-excited hypochondria and a lazy sort of laissez-faire calm when it comes to the numerous “important announcements” that seem to crop up every day demanding our full and complete attention. First this food causes cancer then that food that causes cancer. Next we must avoid red wine for this reason before realizing how necessary it is that we quickly start guzzling it down again. We are so violently jerked around from health scare to food fright that it’s like a bungee jumper having an epileptic fit.

And as hard as it is to sort the truth from the fiction the trickiest bit is usually navigating the stares and not-so-silent recriminations from those closest to us. One alert about plastic bottles being harmful to your health and assorted schoolyard parents are dialing child services because you sent your kid to school with the water bottle you got in the delegate bag at the last convention.

I think this is why I quite enjoyed the new spot from the US Corn Refiners Association. In it, a kid’s birthday party is in full swing – balloons, food and all manner of yelling and running around. A mother enters frame with a friendly “Hey!” to the other mother who is obviously hosting the party. Host mom responds with a chummy “Hey!” of her own. The woman that just arrived then wrinkles her nose as she observes host mom pouring out drinks of what appears to be some sort of mixed-fruit punch. She then comments as off-handedly, and snarkily, as she can:

Guest Mom: “Wow, you don’t care what the kids eat, huh?”
Host mom: “Scuse me?”
Guest mom: “That has high fructose corn syrup in it.”
Host mom: “And?”
Guest mom: “You know what they say about it?”
Host mom: “Like what?”

At this point guest mom gets a look on her face like she just filled her pants and now has to explain exactly what she did. She even makes a weird gahh-irk kind of noise. Host mom will have none of it, and still smiling her oh-so-confident smile, slides on in with…“That it’s made from corn, doesn’t have artificial ingredients and, like sugar, is fine in moderation…?” She barely looks up from pouring the drinks as she delivers her pointed parries.

Guest mom, now looking completely stupid begins swinging her eyes left and right until finally coming out with the very best comeback she can muster.

Guest Mom: “Love that top!”
Host Mom: “Oh well, thank you.”

And the awkwardness created by one person’s ignorance is thereby averted thanks to the other’s strong command of the facts (as provided by the US Corn Refiners Association). At this point the voice-over states: “Get the facts. You’re in for a sweet surprise.”

Now, while I can recognize this commercial as pure propaganda I still love the idea of showing up some busy-body know it all with a few well-placed facts, however tenuous they may be.

Personally, I tend to view most food additives as something of a necessary evil in a society like ours today and recognize that if I am gorging myself on one type or another that I’m not likely doing my body any good. While I highly doubt the Corn Refiners really want me to use their products in moderation that is neither here nor there. They can more or less make what they want. It’s up to me to abuse it, or not. No one will ever convince me that diet colas are good or even okay for us. Nothing is free and while I hope there is not a cancerous tumor forming in my frontal lobe thanks to one-calorie cola I would not be especially surprised if there was either. Taking things in moderation, all things in moderation, is really the best course of action for almost anything.

If we can add to that by actually expending a little brain grease to go dig up some facts from both sides of whatever issue is currently making headlines we might even be able to make a decision free from government intervention or oversight.

That said, I won’t be holding my breath.