You already heard the news that Jerry Seinfeld was climbing into bed with Bill Gates and Microsoft. He was hired to take his best shot at stemming the advertorial bleeding those Mac and PC spots from Apple have caused to the Microsoft bottom line. Big bucks were flaunted – some $300 million or so – which would (hopefully) result in a brand new world full of love and admiration for all things Microsoft.

Well lo and behold the very first glimpse of the campaign has just raised its head for all to see. Showcased in all its glory during the premier of this years NFL season, couch monkeys the world over were treated to funny Jerry and silly Billy in all their nerdilicious glory.

The result? Let’s just say “odd” would be an understatement.

Notorious bad actor Jerry Seinfeld strolls through a shopping mall (which, when you think about it, is kind of hilarious in its own right) eating a churro. He glances in the window of a discount shoe store called “Shoe Circus” and is shocked to see Bill Gates trying on shoes. Immediately, Jerry heads inside and comes face to face with Gates, who remarks with some surprise of his own. “Jerry Seinfeld?” Jerry immediately offers to share his churro (believe me, we’re only getting started). Gates says no and they begin to make moronic small talk about shoes. Jerry quickly assumes the role of shoe salesman and begins fitting Gates for a set of pleather shoes called “Conquistadors”, explaining that he wears shoes in the shower to properly break them in. The weirdness continues even as Jerry finally gets him into a size 10. Happy with his new shoes, Bill goes to pay. He is asked by the clerk if he is a “Shoe Circus Clown Club Member”, to which Gates responds by holding up an embarrassingly lame membership card as he says “Platinum.”

We next see Bill and Jerry leaving the mall (and both now holding churros) discussing even more bizarre inanity when Jerry lurches off on a tangent to see if the “big brains” at Microsoft are working on making computers moist and chewy so that they can be eaten while one works on them. He begs Bill for a sign, such as adjusting his shorts. Bill obliges, giving a hip shake, to which Jerry responds forcefully “I knew it!”

The spot closes as a graphic comes on the screen, saying “The Future” and then “Delicious.”

It’s a long ad - at least 90 seconds - so you can probably expect to see some chopped down versions on TV but really, what in the H-E-double hockey sticks was this nerd-fest all about? Honestly, it seemed more like a mini-Seinfeld episode (Seingate perhaps, but minus the laugh track) where “Jerry” happened to come upon Bill Gates trying on shoes.

The ad is more than even ridiculous. It’s ludicrous. I mean these two banana hammocks are worth billions combined (with Jerry admittedly playing the poor cousin due to his paltry stash of “only” a few hundred mill or so) so there is no way either one is walking back to find their car in any parking lot anywhere let alone eating a friggen churro while they do.

Still, this ad is kind of like a car accident: You just cannot look away. I mean obviously you want to know what these two are up to and it is handled in such a twisted manner that you just can’t quite believe what you’re seeing. Jerry comes off as something of a harmless nut job while Gates appears almost Gump-like (which truthfully, is not that much of a surprise). The question, I guess, is what are we supposed to get from all this? I watched it, so they got that from me and I will probably watch another one when they finally air it but for what purpose?

I can only imagine that it has to be about personality. Most products are more or less the same so they either need to make folks like them just a little bit more or hate them a little bit less. And if that’s the case here then maybe these ads are worth all the money that’s been lavished on them. I sincerely hope that’s the case ‘cause I’d sure hate to think they could have spent that $300 million on something more practical, like, oh I don’t know, maybe making that P.O.C. Vista actually work.

I’m just saying...