It’s a big deal in a young man’s life. That first time he douses himself in smelly stuff before heading off to school marks a major step in any young buck’s maturation. While it is only now that I can fully appreciate the scent-based assault we subjected our teachers to it was still an integral part of our newly emerging manhood (and really, no pun intended). The realization that smelling better was actually worth the effort (and integral) to avoid repelling the opposite sex was genuinely surprisingly to boys of a certain age. Believe it or not bathing (for the male of the species) does not just happen. Without a desire for female attentions I doubt most guys would ever do the heavy lifting required to tell the difference between a loofah and the business end of a fingernail brush.

And when you consider the choices most often made available to earnest young men few leap to mind more quickly than Old Spice. That distinctive white bottle, tapering to a slim neck and topped off by a grey plastic stopper appeared first in my teenaged Christmas stocking. As a rule I would use far more than would logically be considered safe and figured I was masculinity personified. The Old Spice commercials back then showcased the manliest of men doing their swarthy best sailing the seas or roping the cattle or whatever. In hindsight they were so over the top that it’s what probably led to Old Spice becoming almost a parody of itself. And these days, does anybody think adults are the main buyers of Old Spice? My guess is that it’s mainly high schoolers trying to mask the scent of Clearasil and flop sweat.

That was then, and this is now. In the new spots for Old Spice Swagger – yes “Swagger” and of all the words they could have used to describe cocky behavior it has the most distinctively 70’s vibe to it - they have a couple of spots running with one featuring Brian Urlacher of the Chicago Bears, a 6’4” 260 lb NFL linebacker and LL Cool J, he of the easy charm, hunky good looks and chiseled body by gym.

Urlacher’s spot opens with the gangliest, gorkiest teenager I’ve ever seen jumping un-athletically from behind a tree dressed in a Medieval costume and waving a plastic sword over his head as he declares “I, Brian Urlacher, challenge thee to an honor duel.” The troop he has chosen to “surprise” is made up of a similarly attired group of SCA losers (Society for Creative Anachronisms – a whole other column) that actually includes a female. The leader responds “A what?” Urlacher: “An honor duel.” The group then begins to laugh hysterically causing the obviously pathetic young Brian Urlacher to cry. The camera pulls back to reveal a now adult, and scarily gigantic Urlacher standing next to the TV that was showing the clip in question. He explains to the camera that that was indeed him, but before he started using Swagger from Old Spice. Then, referencing his present self, says “Who’s laughing now? Then he laughs, before stopping abruptly and scowling as he says “Me!”

The LL spot is almost identical except that in his we see a nerdly LL Cool J approach a super hot chick at a party that appears to be taking place in some community center basement. When she turns and says “hi” to him he responds with a squeal that sounds more like he got the skin between his thumb and forefinger caught in a drawer than a greeting. LL too explains how that all changed when he began using Swagger by Old Spice. Then he sniffs deep, kisses his fingers and says “Now look at me...nice!”

These ads kill. They have so perfectly captured the goofiness and lameness that has attached itself to Old Spice for years. By taking the humor and using it they seemed to have recognized the joke it’s become and attempted to turn it on its head. No small feat.

If they can actually pull it off there might just be some hope for Aqua Velva too. I’ll have to tell my dad that his days of being uncool may very well be numbered.